CHAPTER TEN

Rachel sat in her living room watching the clock and waiting for the best time to call. Fatima was usually up early. 8 o’clock should be ok. But then she might be alarmed that Rachel had called so early, plus Ali would definitely be home. If she waited until nine then there was a chance he would be on his way out or at least occupied, but Rachel would be at work at that time and wouldn’t have the freedom to talk as she would like.
The clock turned 8:15. “Late enough.” Rachel picked up the phone and dialled Fatima’s number, adrenaline cursing through her veins. She wasn’t sure if the anxiety she was feeling was due to fear of what she would hear on the other end or the memories of the encounter with Jamie during the night.
“Hello.”
“Fati?”
“Hey Rachel.”
“How are you doing? Did I wake you?” Rachel started the conversation cautiously. She wasn’t sure how much Fatima knew about what was going on.
“Kind of. But it’s ok. What’s up?”
“I heard some news.”
“What news?” Fatima asked.
“I read online something about Ali and a law suit?” Rachel tried to keep the anxiety out of her voice.
Fatima was suddenly wide awake. “Oh no. It’s online already?”
“So you do know?” Rachel leaned back on her couch.
“Yes, it’s what the lawyer’s letter was about.” Fatima sunk into her pillow.
“Ok, are we talking about the same kind of law suit here?” Considering Fatima’s condition Rachel certainly didn’t want to shock her.
“Yes, Rachel it’s a paternity suit.” Fatima sat up in her bed and brushed her hair back with her hands.
“Oh Fati! So what’s Ali saying?” Rachel dropped her head into her hands. She felt a headache building.
“Well, he seemed just as shocked as we are. He says he doesn’t know the woman and doesn’t know what this is about.”
Relief washed over Rachel. “Oh, thank God. Now I can breathe.”
“That’s it? Just like that and you can breathe. You’re ok now?”
“Well yah, if Ali says he doesn’t know her then, well you believe him don’t you?” Rachel felt a little confused and wondered if she was missing something.
“I don’t know, Rachel. I’ve been on the road with him. I know how it is. It’s crazy.” Rachel could hear the creeping despair in Fatima’s voice.
“But he’s not,” Rachel reminded Fatima.
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do,” Rachel insisted. “You do know. Fatima, are you feeling ok?”
“Of course. I just have to look at all the possibilities. I can’t have my head stuck in the sand, or just follow blindly. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Well, you can’t be ok, because what you’re saying is not making any sense to me. I’m coming over.”
“What? No, I’m fine. You don’t have to come over. You have to go to work,” Fatima said.
“Oh please, I run that place; I can be a few minutes late. Anyway I’m already dressed.”
“Really, Rachel it’s not necessary,” Fatima insisted.
“I’m there. Just open the door.” Rachel hung up the phone.

By the time Rachel rang Fatima’s door bell Fatima was there to let her in. Rachel looked beautiful and professional in a cream pant suit.
“Oh Rachel, you look great. I can’t wait until I can fit into some regular clothes.”
Rachel hugged and kissed Fatima and replied. “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I would change places with you in minute.”
“Are you sure? Do you remember the conversation we just had?” Fatima asked.
Rachel waved away the comment. “Piece of cake.” She walked towards the back of the house. “So where is the trouble maker anyway?”
“He’s in the workout room.” Rachel could hear the clanging of barbells and Ali grunting as he pushed his body to its limits.
“Sounds like he’s at war.” Rachel took a seat on Fatima’s couch and placed her handbag behind her.
“Yes, well you know how he gets.” Fatima sat beside Rachel.
“Shouldn’t he have a spotter?” Rachel was genuinely concerned. Lifting heavy weights alone was dangerous.
“Oh please don’t even get me started. We have had the conversation too many times. Obviously I can’t do it, and if I even go down there to see what he’s doing I’m going to have a heart attack. You wouldn’t believe the weight he’s lifting.” Fatima was obviously concerned as well.
“Well, he should just lift you. At least if he drops you, you can move yourself,” Rachel said teasingly.
“Barely.” Fatima giggled and rubbed her tummy. “Anyway he would need two or three of me. He can do me with one hand.” Fatima paused and then continued. “I know you’re in hurry, so don’t worry, I’m fine.”
Rachel’s face became serious. “So how is everything over here? Are you guys talking?”
“Yes, of course. We talked about it yesterday and I heard everything he had to say.” Fatima shrugged. “Now it’s just wait and see.” Rachel couldn’t miss the obvious sadness in Fatima’s voice.
Rachel narrowed her eyes and studied the young woman in front of her. This wasn’t the friend she knew. This was a sad and disturbed woman. How could she say these things? Why was she sounding so unsure? “Fatima he wouldn’t lie to your face. Even if he messed up, do you honestly think he could carry it on this far?”
“No, I honestly don’t, but I never expected to get mail like that either. So I just need to be prepared for anything. I’m not going to be shocked like that again. Ever.” Fatima looked down at her hands folded in her lap.
Rachel finally understood the depth of Fatima’s pain. “Oh honey, it must have been horrible for you. Come, hugs.” Rachel reached over and hugged Fatima.
“Thanks Rachel. I do feel pretty lonely right now.”
“Please don’t say that. You have all of us, my mom, Mama and Papa.” Rachel continued, “Has Ali talked to them?”
“Well, he would have seen them this morning, but we didn’t talk about it.”
Rachel remembered seeing Ali in the morning. Now was probably not a good time to mention what had happened during the night.
Fatima folded and unfolded her hands. “Ali’s parents are great. They really are, and I love them to death, but they’re his parents.”
“Fatima, they are the fairest people I know,” Rachel said. “And they love you. Truly love you.”
“I know they do. I love them too. It’s just not the same at a time like this.”
“Have you called your mom?”
“No, I don’t want to worry her.”
“Well, she’s going to hear sooner or later. Isn’t it better if she hears from you?”
“Good point. It’s just not on the top of my list of things to tell people, you know?”
“Listen, I know this is going to be ok. Unless Ali is on crack, this cannot be true. I‘ll never believe it. So you don’t worry about that. But if you need to, you call me every other minute. If you need to talk or anything, you call me ok?”
Rachel could not count the times that Fatima and Ali had been there for her and her family. This was the least she could do in return.
“You have to work. I’m not going to bother you.”Fatima stretched her legs and shook her head.
“Did I mention that I run that place?” The two women laughed and then Fatima changed the subject.
“Now, about you Rachel. Tell me how you’ve been feeling.”
Rachel’s face clouded over. “I’m ok but I still have to see the doctor.”
“For a follow up?”
“Yes, but it’s a little more involved.” Rachel paused and smoothed out the lines in her pants. “There appears to be a lot of scar tissue from before, so they have to see what happens. There’s a possibility that I won’t be able to have any more kids.” Rachel’s face started to turn red and her eyes got glassy.
Fatima took Rachel’s hand. “Rachel, I am so sorry. But don’t give up hope so quickly. You know in the end it is not up to the doctors. You know that?”
Rachel nodded. “It’s amazing isn’t it? I have two boys, no husband and I’m worrying about whether or not I can have more kids.” Rachel wiped the first tears as soon as they fell.
“You have a right to think about your future, just like everyone else. Don’t take that away from yourself. Now regardless of what the doctors say, that’s not the end. They don’t have the last word.” Fatima spoke gently to her friend.
“It seems like the opportunity for me to live happily ever after is slipping further and further away.”
“That’s nonsense.” Fatima’s voice was decisive.
“Really? Who is going to want me? I have two kids already and I may be sterile in a minute.” Rachel reached into her bag for tissue.
“First of all you don’t know that and second there are many loving wonderful men who will cherish you with or without the possibility of children. Maybe he already has his own children. Or maybe he will embrace your boys as his own. Leave that to Allah. You just take care of you. Let Him do the rest.”
“Yes, I guess you’re right. What else can I do anyway?” Rachel leaned back in defeat.
“There’s a lot you can do.” Fatima raised her eyebrows at her friend.
Rachel knew exactly what Fatima was talking about. Fatima was encouraging her to pray; seek God and forge a relationship with Him. It was an experience Rachel just hadn’t had yet. Naomi attended weekly prayer meetings. Since Fatima became Muslim she had regular prayer meetings she called dua sessions with her Muslim sisters, but Rachel had just never had that experience where she felt her prayers had been answered. She just hadn’t developed that level of faith. She wasn’t even sure how to do it.
Rachel could see the type of peace that Fatima had developed over the years. She was so different from other women her age. Rachel knew it was Fatima’s experience with God that had done it. Rachel had seen her evolve over the years. So many things had seemed to fall into place for her. Even the challenges and difficulties of life seemed more manageable. Fatima seemed better able to deal with them.
Rachel knew that Fatima was living her ideal life. She was always content. Sure she would have liked her husband to be home more, but she never complained. She used his absence to her advantage. She would do sometime she may not have time to do otherwise. Sometimes she would rearrange the house or change something about herself. Ali had the good fortune of coming home to a new home and new wife on occasion.
Fatima also used the time to give more direct attention to the kids. She had developed some rituals for when Ali was away so that the girls would have something to look forward to that would eclipse the longing they all had for him.
Fatima would also visit and care for the community or she would devote herself to more intense study. She always had a plan and she used her time well. The days would fly by and Ali never knew what adventure he was coming home to hear about next.
Rachel on the other hand felt that no matter how she tried to get herself out of a hole she somehow ended up further and further in. Now things with Jamie were getting more complicated. He was coming around more frequently; just when she had decided to cut him off completely. That was certainly disturbing. Her mother didn’t seem to be doing well and memories of her father were becoming more difficult to deal with. Then there was Jonah and his increasingly restless nights. With all this on her mind she couldn’t even think about prayer.
“I better go. I’ve taken enough of your time.” Rachel started to stand.
Fatima pulled her back down. “Ok, how about you come over tomorrow and pray with me? I would really appreciate it.” Rachel hesitated. She wasn’t ready to take this step.
“For me?” Fatima tried to look as pathetic as possible.
“Fine. I guess you could use some support right now.”
“Aahh!” Fatima screamed and almost jumped into Rachel’s lap. She grabbed Rachel’s hands and squeezed them, all the while bouncing in her seat.
“Calm down. Pregnant lady bouncing around. Not good,” Rachel said as she tried to hold back her own smile.
“Great, I can’t wait,” Fatima said. Rachel could already see the wheels turning in Fatima’s mind.
“You can come over here tomorrow morning. Oh, I am so excited!” Fatima knew she should contain her enthusiasm, but this small step was a huge breakthrough for Rachel, and Fatima was planning to take full advantage of it.
“Slow down. You’re wrinkling my suit.” Rachel pretended to be concerned about her clothing. “What about Ali? I’m going to be all up in his home space.” She waved her hands in little circles to emphasize her point. “Do you think he’ll mind?”
“Mind? Are you kidding me? He’s going to freak, he’ll be so happy.” Fatima said
Rachel laughed. “Forgive me if I can’t picture Ali freaking over anything.”
“He’ll be happy, trust me.” Fatima couldn’t stop smiling
Rachel stood up. “Well, I better get going. Oh, there’s one more thing I wanted to tell you. Jonah has been having nightmares recently, but these ones are different.”
“How?” Fatima had always been very concerned about and protective of both of Rachel’s sons since they were born.
“Usually you know he would kind of go off if something happened or if Jamie came around, but this time it just started and he keeps saying ‘bad men come’ when I go away.”
“Really, that’s interesting.” Fatima sunk deep into thought.
“What?”
“Well, I didn’t tell anyone, but I’ve been having really funny feelings lately too.”
Rachel sat back down. They all took Fatima’s ‘feelings’ seriously. She was very intuitive and usually dead on when it came to her premonitions.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Rachel started to feel anxious.
“Well, I didn’t know what it was about. And then with all this stuff with Ali, I just thought it was related to him, but maybe it’s not.”
“Wow. Well keep me updated,” Rachel said.
“Same with you. If you want the boys to spend more time over here, that’s fine. It may be good for them. We’re going to a wedding next week. We can bring them with us.”
“No, it’s too much to ask.” Rachel felt guilty about all the attention that Fatima and Ali paid to her sons. “It’s your family time.”
“They are our family.” Fatima squeezed Rachel’s hand. “Ali will love it and he’s going to be the one taking care of them anyway. I think I’ll have my hands full.”
“You didn’t even ask him,” Rachel protested.
“I don’t have to ask him this. Really, he’ll be fine with it. You can come to. That would be great actually; I just thought you might want the break from the boys.”
“Sure, I’ll think about it.”
“Good. See you tomorrow?”
“Yes. How much time do we need?
“Can you come at 7:30 or 8?
“Sure I’ll be here.”
Rachel stood up and Fatima walked her to the door.
“Hey I had another idea,” Fatima started. “Maybe you and I can do a little retreat. Our house out of town is almost finished and it’s beautiful. It’s surrounded by acres of undeveloped land, and it’s right on the lake. We can go for a few days while Ali’s away. I think we both need some ‘me’ time.”
“Ha! In your condition? Yah, right. Tell you what, you talk to him, if he says yes, then I’ll drive up there, pay for gas, food, entertainment, whatever. The whole time will be totally on me and you can have me praying all night long.”
“Why do you have to be like that?” Fatima pouted.
“Because I know exactly what he’s going to say, that’s why. Actually, can you call me when you’re going to ask him and put the phone on speaker? I would love a front row seat to this.” Rachel was laughing now.
“He’s not even going to be here this week.” Fatima looked at Rachel who had her eyebrows raised. “He might say yes,” Fatima insisted.