CHAPTER TEN

Rachel sat in her living room watching the clock and waiting for the best time to call. Fatima was usually up early. 8 o’clock should be ok. But then she might be alarmed that Rachel had called so early, plus Ali would definitely be home. If she waited until nine then there was a chance he would be on his way out or at least occupied, but Rachel would be at work at that time and wouldn’t have the freedom to talk as she would like.
The clock turned 8:15. “Late enough.” Rachel picked up the phone and dialled Fatima’s number, adrenaline cursing through her veins. She wasn’t sure if the anxiety she was feeling was due to fear of what she would hear on the other end or the memories of the encounter with Jamie during the night.
“Hello.”
“Fati?”
“Hey Rachel.”
“How are you doing? Did I wake you?” Rachel started the conversation cautiously. She wasn’t sure how much Fatima knew about what was going on.
“Kind of. But it’s ok. What’s up?”
“I heard some news.”
“What news?” Fatima asked.
“I read online something about Ali and a law suit?” Rachel tried to keep the anxiety out of her voice.
Fatima was suddenly wide awake. “Oh no. It’s online already?”
“So you do know?” Rachel leaned back on her couch.
“Yes, it’s what the lawyer’s letter was about.” Fatima sunk into her pillow.
“Ok, are we talking about the same kind of law suit here?” Considering Fatima’s condition Rachel certainly didn’t want to shock her.
“Yes, Rachel it’s a paternity suit.” Fatima sat up in her bed and brushed her hair back with her hands.
“Oh Fati! So what’s Ali saying?” Rachel dropped her head into her hands. She felt a headache building.
“Well, he seemed just as shocked as we are. He says he doesn’t know the woman and doesn’t know what this is about.”
Relief washed over Rachel. “Oh, thank God. Now I can breathe.”
“That’s it? Just like that and you can breathe. You’re ok now?”
“Well yah, if Ali says he doesn’t know her then, well you believe him don’t you?” Rachel felt a little confused and wondered if she was missing something.
“I don’t know, Rachel. I’ve been on the road with him. I know how it is. It’s crazy.” Rachel could hear the creeping despair in Fatima’s voice.
“But he’s not,” Rachel reminded Fatima.
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do,” Rachel insisted. “You do know. Fatima, are you feeling ok?”
“Of course. I just have to look at all the possibilities. I can’t have my head stuck in the sand, or just follow blindly. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Well, you can’t be ok, because what you’re saying is not making any sense to me. I’m coming over.”
“What? No, I’m fine. You don’t have to come over. You have to go to work,” Fatima said.
“Oh please, I run that place; I can be a few minutes late. Anyway I’m already dressed.”
“Really, Rachel it’s not necessary,” Fatima insisted.
“I’m there. Just open the door.” Rachel hung up the phone.

By the time Rachel rang Fatima’s door bell Fatima was there to let her in. Rachel looked beautiful and professional in a cream pant suit.
“Oh Rachel, you look great. I can’t wait until I can fit into some regular clothes.”
Rachel hugged and kissed Fatima and replied. “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I would change places with you in minute.”
“Are you sure? Do you remember the conversation we just had?” Fatima asked.
Rachel waved away the comment. “Piece of cake.” She walked towards the back of the house. “So where is the trouble maker anyway?”
“He’s in the workout room.” Rachel could hear the clanging of barbells and Ali grunting as he pushed his body to its limits.
“Sounds like he’s at war.” Rachel took a seat on Fatima’s couch and placed her handbag behind her.
“Yes, well you know how he gets.” Fatima sat beside Rachel.
“Shouldn’t he have a spotter?” Rachel was genuinely concerned. Lifting heavy weights alone was dangerous.
“Oh please don’t even get me started. We have had the conversation too many times. Obviously I can’t do it, and if I even go down there to see what he’s doing I’m going to have a heart attack. You wouldn’t believe the weight he’s lifting.” Fatima was obviously concerned as well.
“Well, he should just lift you. At least if he drops you, you can move yourself,” Rachel said teasingly.
“Barely.” Fatima giggled and rubbed her tummy. “Anyway he would need two or three of me. He can do me with one hand.” Fatima paused and then continued. “I know you’re in hurry, so don’t worry, I’m fine.”
Rachel’s face became serious. “So how is everything over here? Are you guys talking?”
“Yes, of course. We talked about it yesterday and I heard everything he had to say.” Fatima shrugged. “Now it’s just wait and see.” Rachel couldn’t miss the obvious sadness in Fatima’s voice.
Rachel narrowed her eyes and studied the young woman in front of her. This wasn’t the friend she knew. This was a sad and disturbed woman. How could she say these things? Why was she sounding so unsure? “Fatima he wouldn’t lie to your face. Even if he messed up, do you honestly think he could carry it on this far?”
“No, I honestly don’t, but I never expected to get mail like that either. So I just need to be prepared for anything. I’m not going to be shocked like that again. Ever.” Fatima looked down at her hands folded in her lap.
Rachel finally understood the depth of Fatima’s pain. “Oh honey, it must have been horrible for you. Come, hugs.” Rachel reached over and hugged Fatima.
“Thanks Rachel. I do feel pretty lonely right now.”
“Please don’t say that. You have all of us, my mom, Mama and Papa.” Rachel continued, “Has Ali talked to them?”
“Well, he would have seen them this morning, but we didn’t talk about it.”
Rachel remembered seeing Ali in the morning. Now was probably not a good time to mention what had happened during the night.
Fatima folded and unfolded her hands. “Ali’s parents are great. They really are, and I love them to death, but they’re his parents.”
“Fatima, they are the fairest people I know,” Rachel said. “And they love you. Truly love you.”
“I know they do. I love them too. It’s just not the same at a time like this.”
“Have you called your mom?”
“No, I don’t want to worry her.”
“Well, she’s going to hear sooner or later. Isn’t it better if she hears from you?”
“Good point. It’s just not on the top of my list of things to tell people, you know?”
“Listen, I know this is going to be ok. Unless Ali is on crack, this cannot be true. I‘ll never believe it. So you don’t worry about that. But if you need to, you call me every other minute. If you need to talk or anything, you call me ok?”
Rachel could not count the times that Fatima and Ali had been there for her and her family. This was the least she could do in return.
“You have to work. I’m not going to bother you.”Fatima stretched her legs and shook her head.
“Did I mention that I run that place?” The two women laughed and then Fatima changed the subject.
“Now, about you Rachel. Tell me how you’ve been feeling.”
Rachel’s face clouded over. “I’m ok but I still have to see the doctor.”
“For a follow up?”
“Yes, but it’s a little more involved.” Rachel paused and smoothed out the lines in her pants. “There appears to be a lot of scar tissue from before, so they have to see what happens. There’s a possibility that I won’t be able to have any more kids.” Rachel’s face started to turn red and her eyes got glassy.
Fatima took Rachel’s hand. “Rachel, I am so sorry. But don’t give up hope so quickly. You know in the end it is not up to the doctors. You know that?”
Rachel nodded. “It’s amazing isn’t it? I have two boys, no husband and I’m worrying about whether or not I can have more kids.” Rachel wiped the first tears as soon as they fell.
“You have a right to think about your future, just like everyone else. Don’t take that away from yourself. Now regardless of what the doctors say, that’s not the end. They don’t have the last word.” Fatima spoke gently to her friend.
“It seems like the opportunity for me to live happily ever after is slipping further and further away.”
“That’s nonsense.” Fatima’s voice was decisive.
“Really? Who is going to want me? I have two kids already and I may be sterile in a minute.” Rachel reached into her bag for tissue.
“First of all you don’t know that and second there are many loving wonderful men who will cherish you with or without the possibility of children. Maybe he already has his own children. Or maybe he will embrace your boys as his own. Leave that to Allah. You just take care of you. Let Him do the rest.”
“Yes, I guess you’re right. What else can I do anyway?” Rachel leaned back in defeat.
“There’s a lot you can do.” Fatima raised her eyebrows at her friend.
Rachel knew exactly what Fatima was talking about. Fatima was encouraging her to pray; seek God and forge a relationship with Him. It was an experience Rachel just hadn’t had yet. Naomi attended weekly prayer meetings. Since Fatima became Muslim she had regular prayer meetings she called dua sessions with her Muslim sisters, but Rachel had just never had that experience where she felt her prayers had been answered. She just hadn’t developed that level of faith. She wasn’t even sure how to do it.
Rachel could see the type of peace that Fatima had developed over the years. She was so different from other women her age. Rachel knew it was Fatima’s experience with God that had done it. Rachel had seen her evolve over the years. So many things had seemed to fall into place for her. Even the challenges and difficulties of life seemed more manageable. Fatima seemed better able to deal with them.
Rachel knew that Fatima was living her ideal life. She was always content. Sure she would have liked her husband to be home more, but she never complained. She used his absence to her advantage. She would do sometime she may not have time to do otherwise. Sometimes she would rearrange the house or change something about herself. Ali had the good fortune of coming home to a new home and new wife on occasion.
Fatima also used the time to give more direct attention to the kids. She had developed some rituals for when Ali was away so that the girls would have something to look forward to that would eclipse the longing they all had for him.
Fatima would also visit and care for the community or she would devote herself to more intense study. She always had a plan and she used her time well. The days would fly by and Ali never knew what adventure he was coming home to hear about next.
Rachel on the other hand felt that no matter how she tried to get herself out of a hole she somehow ended up further and further in. Now things with Jamie were getting more complicated. He was coming around more frequently; just when she had decided to cut him off completely. That was certainly disturbing. Her mother didn’t seem to be doing well and memories of her father were becoming more difficult to deal with. Then there was Jonah and his increasingly restless nights. With all this on her mind she couldn’t even think about prayer.
“I better go. I’ve taken enough of your time.” Rachel started to stand.
Fatima pulled her back down. “Ok, how about you come over tomorrow and pray with me? I would really appreciate it.” Rachel hesitated. She wasn’t ready to take this step.
“For me?” Fatima tried to look as pathetic as possible.
“Fine. I guess you could use some support right now.”
“Aahh!” Fatima screamed and almost jumped into Rachel’s lap. She grabbed Rachel’s hands and squeezed them, all the while bouncing in her seat.
“Calm down. Pregnant lady bouncing around. Not good,” Rachel said as she tried to hold back her own smile.
“Great, I can’t wait,” Fatima said. Rachel could already see the wheels turning in Fatima’s mind.
“You can come over here tomorrow morning. Oh, I am so excited!” Fatima knew she should contain her enthusiasm, but this small step was a huge breakthrough for Rachel, and Fatima was planning to take full advantage of it.
“Slow down. You’re wrinkling my suit.” Rachel pretended to be concerned about her clothing. “What about Ali? I’m going to be all up in his home space.” She waved her hands in little circles to emphasize her point. “Do you think he’ll mind?”
“Mind? Are you kidding me? He’s going to freak, he’ll be so happy.” Fatima said
Rachel laughed. “Forgive me if I can’t picture Ali freaking over anything.”
“He’ll be happy, trust me.” Fatima couldn’t stop smiling
Rachel stood up. “Well, I better get going. Oh, there’s one more thing I wanted to tell you. Jonah has been having nightmares recently, but these ones are different.”
“How?” Fatima had always been very concerned about and protective of both of Rachel’s sons since they were born.
“Usually you know he would kind of go off if something happened or if Jamie came around, but this time it just started and he keeps saying ‘bad men come’ when I go away.”
“Really, that’s interesting.” Fatima sunk deep into thought.
“What?”
“Well, I didn’t tell anyone, but I’ve been having really funny feelings lately too.”
Rachel sat back down. They all took Fatima’s ‘feelings’ seriously. She was very intuitive and usually dead on when it came to her premonitions.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Rachel started to feel anxious.
“Well, I didn’t know what it was about. And then with all this stuff with Ali, I just thought it was related to him, but maybe it’s not.”
“Wow. Well keep me updated,” Rachel said.
“Same with you. If you want the boys to spend more time over here, that’s fine. It may be good for them. We’re going to a wedding next week. We can bring them with us.”
“No, it’s too much to ask.” Rachel felt guilty about all the attention that Fatima and Ali paid to her sons. “It’s your family time.”
“They are our family.” Fatima squeezed Rachel’s hand. “Ali will love it and he’s going to be the one taking care of them anyway. I think I’ll have my hands full.”
“You didn’t even ask him,” Rachel protested.
“I don’t have to ask him this. Really, he’ll be fine with it. You can come to. That would be great actually; I just thought you might want the break from the boys.”
“Sure, I’ll think about it.”
“Good. See you tomorrow?”
“Yes. How much time do we need?
“Can you come at 7:30 or 8?
“Sure I’ll be here.”
Rachel stood up and Fatima walked her to the door.
“Hey I had another idea,” Fatima started. “Maybe you and I can do a little retreat. Our house out of town is almost finished and it’s beautiful. It’s surrounded by acres of undeveloped land, and it’s right on the lake. We can go for a few days while Ali’s away. I think we both need some ‘me’ time.”
“Ha! In your condition? Yah, right. Tell you what, you talk to him, if he says yes, then I’ll drive up there, pay for gas, food, entertainment, whatever. The whole time will be totally on me and you can have me praying all night long.”
“Why do you have to be like that?” Fatima pouted.
“Because I know exactly what he’s going to say, that’s why. Actually, can you call me when you’re going to ask him and put the phone on speaker? I would love a front row seat to this.” Rachel was laughing now.
“He’s not even going to be here this week.” Fatima looked at Rachel who had her eyebrows raised. “He might say yes,” Fatima insisted.

CHAPTER NINE

Ali had already been up for over an hour and Fajr was approaching. Before going to his father’s house he stopped in the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Fatima would be awake in a little while and she loved her tea. He let it cool for a few minutes then poured it into a thermal cup and covered it. It would be just right for her now. She had a sensitive mouth and couldn’t eat or drink anything too hot.
He smiled when he thought of how much she still reminded him of that little eight year old girl he had met so many years ago. Even then she had been mature although she had been small for her age. She was as cute as a doll and smart too. Rachel had followed her everywhere. Of course he hadn’t thought about marriage at that age, but by the time he was 15 or 16 he was sure she was to be his wife. His parents had been pleased with his choice. Rahma had been so excited to have a ‘sister’ that she immediately started calling Fatima Sorella, the Italian word for sister.
Fatima had every positive quality he could imagine. If she had a negative quality it was that she tended to be a little emotional. He didn’t quite understand that side of her, it was so unlike the way he handled his life. They had agreed to ignore one negative trait of the other person, so he let it go.
There was one other thing he opted to give her a pass on. It was the thing that really drove him nuts. He hadn’t told her but he never understood how frazzled she would get when they had to get ready to go anywhere. She was usually so organized, but when she had to get dressed she lost it.
She couldn’t ever figure out what to wear. Clothes would be everywhere and she would get irritated with anyone who tried to hurry her. If she had to eat the kitchen would be a disaster. If she had to get the kids ready or apply make-up, good night. Wherever she went in the house would be turned upside-down. Forget about time. He was always ready first and waiting. Ali couldn’t get it. Just get dressed and go. She looked good in everything anyway. Still, he never mentioned it lest he amplify the confusion. The last thing he wanted was to slow her down.
Yes, her emotional nature disturbed him but it also made her more endearing to him. It made him want to protect her. Not just physically, but also emotionally. He wanted to protect her heart. He knew he had failed. He had let her down this time.
In all the years he had known her he had never seen her hurt or this upset because of him. It was unnerving. He had really messed up, and he knew it. If only he had intercepted the mail this whole thing would have gone down differently.
He shook his head to try and erase the memory of the look on her face when he had walked in the door after his run. Seeing her so disturbed had shaken him. He had tried to comfort her, but she wouldn’t let him near her. He lived to please her, see her smile, know that he had made her happy. Now he was the cause of her distress.
He would fix it. He had already spoken to Shawn. Shawn knew Ali well and he knew Fatima. He would know how to handle this in the best way. Ali trusted that.
Ali pulled a piece of paper from the drawer and wrote a single number on it. 7. In the corner he wrote 1/9. He placed the paper beside the cup of tea. Fatima would know that there were 9 papers to be found and she would have to find them all to decode the message. She loved this game the most and Ali loved initiating it. He wouldn’t be leaving until tomorrow but he sometimes took a head start with the notes. It kept Fatima on her toes.
Ali moved towards the door and reached for his shoes. Fatima’s size six shoes were beside his size 12. Even though she was half his size she was tough. He really enjoyed training her as a result. He knew that she believed that he was so adamant about her training because he was concerned about her safety, but that was only a small part of the truth. Ali had complete confidence in her ability to handle herself with or without formal training.
The spirit was the most important; far more important than any physical ability and underneath her soft emotional exterior she had the strongest spirit of anyone he knew, besides his mother. Rachel was the exact opposite. She had the natural physical advantage, but no heart. If she could put the two together she would be an awesome fighter.
The truth was training Fatima was a pure delight for him. She was a quick study; she listened well and wasn’t afraid to try new routines. He had to remember not to push her too much, because she never refused a challenge. She was strong, fast and could hit hard. When he sparred with her she really challenged him and he loved it. He wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of her fight, that was for sure.
Ali checked to make sure all was straight in the kitchen and walked out the door. The air was cool and crisp and he could hear the birds starting their song. It was one of his favourite sounds. He loved the way the earth slowly came to life at this time of the morning. If he ever happened to miss it, he felt off kilter until the next morning. He felt sorry for those who slept through this most precious time of day. He crossed the street to his father’s house.

He looked at the front porch of Rachel’s house and was shocked to see Rachel asleep in a chair. He approached the house and gently called Rachel’s name. She stirred and then opened her eyes.
“Rachel, what are you doing out here? You weren’t here all night were you?” Ali was really beginning to be very concerned about Rachel.
“Uh, yes, no. I just came out for some fresh air and I guess I fell asleep.” She sat up and rubbed her arms.” She was obviously cold. “What time is it?” she asked.
“It’s about 5:15. Are you ok?” Ali asked.
“I’m fine. I just had a lot of things on my mind. You know how it is.”
Ali nodded. He knew that Rachel had a lot of things going on in her life. It hurt him to see what she had been through. Still he wasn’t going to pry. It was better if she talked to Fatima about these things. He could see by her puffy eyes that she had fallen asleep crying. “Ok. You should go inside now. It’s cold. You’ll get sick.” He stepped forward and put one foot on the first step of the porch.
“I’m ok. I think I’ll do that in a minute.” She was still trying to gather her senses.
Ali shook his head. “I’m not leaving you out here and I’m not staying out here with you either.”
“Ok boss,” Rachel answered with mock sarcasm. She rose to her feet.
“You’re welcome to come in with me if you would rather not go home yet.” Ali motioned toward his parent’s house.
“Oh no, I shouldn’t. I mean I should go in case the boys get up or something, you know. Anyway, I would have to explain to your parents why I was out here in the first place.”
Ali shrugged casually. “It’s up to you.” He waited to see her turn in before he would leave his position at the bottom of the stairs.
Rachel stopped with her hand on the door. “Ali?”
“Yes.”
“Is everything ok with you?” Rachel asked.
“Sure. Why?”
“I just wondered. That’s all. Well, in case you ever need to talk or anything, I’m still here.” In that moment she realized how much she missed him. They used to have such a free and comfortable relationship.
Since he and Fatima had gotten married she could not remember having had one real conversation with him; not the way they had before. She always felt like things had changed somehow. Ali had become slightly distant. It was a subtle change, nothing obvious, but she could feel it. They had never discussed it, but the shift made her feel uncomfortable, almost silly in his presence. She hated it and longed for the kind of rapport they had enjoyed before. These few moments were like gold to her.
“Thanks Rachel. I know that,” Ali answered.
Rachel fluttered her eyes in surprise. “You do?”
Ali turned his eyes down, and replied, “Yes, I do.”
Rachel was a little caught off guard by his candid response. “Oh, ok then. Well, I’ll see you later.” Rachel pointed to her door. “I guess I’ll just go inside now.”
“Good idea.” He kept his eyes on the steps in front of him.
Ali waited until Rachel was safely in her house then he turned and walked toward his old home.



Inside his father was waiting for him by the door and they greeted each other with hugs and kisses. Ali noticed that his father held him a little tighter than usual and his mother was uncharacteristically quiet. Still they were both warm and loving. Rahma hugged him and kissed him as usual. They all prayed and Ali read a dua as they usually requested of him and Mama cried as she often did at the sound of his voice.
As soon as he felt the time was right Papa led Ali into his study. The study was decorated in the dark rich colours of brown and burgundy. The mahogany shutters matched the bookshelves and large desk that Papa worked from daily. “Sit son,” Papa said to him.
Ali pulled out a seat. There was one chair in the study reserved for him. It was a large black leather arm chair and the one most comfortable for him. Ali and Papa had had many important conversations in this room. Ali stood and waited for his father to seat himself behind his neatly organized desk and then followed suit.
Papa placed in front of him a printout from the internet. It detailed the story of the pending lawsuit. Ali dropped his shoulders. This was going to get messier than he expected and a lot faster than he could have imagined.
“Rahma does a search on your name every day. Maybe several times a day.” Papa laughed, and then he became serious again. “She found this last night.”
“Rahma, saw this? Oh no. I need to talk to her.” Ali was devastated that his little sister had read about the law suit.
“Wait, wait. Me first.” Papa patiently waited for Ali to speak.
“Papa, I’m going to see Shawn today and take care of this.”
Papa clasped his hands and brought them to his face. He looked over at Ali. His stare was intense. Finally he nodded. “And Fatima?”
Ali felt his chest tighten. “She’s upset.” He then went into the details of what had happened the day before.
“How could you let this happen?”
Ali was taken aback. “What do you mean? Papa, you know I didn’t expect this and there’s no way it can be true. Anyway, I told you I ‘m going to deal with this.”
“You should have protected Fatima from this. How could you let her find out like that?”
Ali stroked the arms of his seat. “Well, I didn’t know-”
“It’s your business to know what goes on in your house.”
Ali remained silent. His father was right. He had messed up and he knew it. His father’s disappointment was too much to bear. He looked down at the desk.
Papa continued, “So what now?”
“Well, like I said I’m going to see Shawn.”
Papa waved his hand in the air. “No, no I mean what about your wife? It matters little what happens with this case. Damage has already been done to Fatima. Can you imagine the shock that went through her body when she took that letter from your daughter’s hand? Do I need to remind you that she is pregnant and due in days?”
“No Papa. I know. I know everything.”
“Hmm, you do? So what will you do now?”
“I don’t know.” He really wasn’t sure how to reach Fatima. He couldn’t reverse what had happened and he wasn’t sure how she would be feeling this morning. It was a delicate situation. He wanted to reassure her, but he wasn’t sure if he may inadvertently cause her more distress by doing or saying the wrong thing.
Papa got up from his seat and walked over to his son. Ali started to stand. Papa motioned for him to remain seated and then held Ali’s face with one hand. He gently but firmly shook Ali’s head. “Is your name Ali Abati?”
“Yes, Papa.”
“Are you my son?”
“Of course.”
“Then you will know what to do.” He released his hold and firmly patted the side of Ali’s face. before walking toward the door. Before he left he turned and said to Ali, “Remember your family is your world. Put your focus there.”
Ali remained seated for a long time after his father had left. He absorbed his father’s words. “It’s your business to know what goes on in your house,” he had said. Yes, he was the Imam of his home and responsible for everyone and everything in it. He had work to do for sure.
“Hey big brother,” Rahma said as she peaked into the study.
“Hey you, come here.” Ali swirled in the large arm chair and extended his hand. Rahma came and sat on his knee and put her head on his shoulder. Her mass of curly brown hair fell behind his back. She was tall, but she still enjoyed cuddling up to her brother as she had when she was a small child. “I am so sorry you had to see that stuff,” he said.
“Don’t worry I don’t believe a word of it. I know they’re all liars,” she said adamantly.
“Yah, and how do you know that?” Ali was moved by her loyalty.
“Well, I know you. I know you would never do something like that.” She looked him straight in the eye.
“You sure?” Ali asked her.
“Yes. I’m sure,” Rahma said, definitively.
Ali kissed her head. “Ok, I don’t want you to worry about it. I’m going to take care of it. I’m going to handle it.” Rahma listened intently. “Now in the next little while you might be hearing a lot of talk about this. I want you to ignore all of it. If you need to know anything you come straight to me. Got it?”
“Yes.” Rahma seemed relieved. Her dark brown eyes sparkled with love and admiration for her brother.
Ali continued, “Now what is this I hear about you doing searches on my name every day?”
“Well, not every single day, but I have to know what’s being said about you,” Rahma replied.
Ali rubbed her back. “Well, it’s the internet and anybody can write anything. It may not all be good for you to read. Hey, Mama let’s you spend that much time online?”
“She’s usually there with me, but sometimes she has her own work to do. Anyway she trusts me.”
“Well, I’m going to have to have a little talk with her,” Ali replied.
“Great, I think that’s my cue to leave.” Rahma stood up. “I love you Ali.”
“You too,” he replied.
Rahma left the room. Ali leaned forward and closed his eyes. He rubbed his hands over the top of his head. His short hair bristled under the movement of his fingers. He didn’t hear her enter but there was no mistaking a mother’s touch. Mama stood behind her son and slipped her hands onto his chest. Ali held her hands and squeezed, as though squeezing them could give him the strength he needed; the strength of his mother, and her mother and father, and all those that had gone before them.
Mama started speaking slowly. “You know when you were born, the midwife had said, ‘This chest, this is the chest of a warrior.’ She said she had never seen such a strong developed chest on a newborn. People walked from all the neighbouring villages to see this baby with the chest of a warrior. I prayed that day that God would fill your chest with love, compassion and bravery. Love for all that is good; compassion for all those fortunate to be in your care, and bravery to always do what is right. No matter what the cost. When you were given the name Ali and I learned who Imam Ali (as) was, I knew my prayers had been answered. Connect with your Holy Prophet and your Imams, all of them and learn from their examples. You will know what to do.
Ali stood and guided his mother into his seat then leaned on his father’s desk. “Thank-you Mama. You always know what to say.” He paused while he thought about what he wanted to say next. “Can I ask you something?”
“Certainly.” Her brown eyes remained warm.
“It might be personal,” Ali warned her.
“Go on,” she urged.
“If Papa ever hurt you, how did you get past it?”
Mama inhaled and let out her breath slowly. She looked at her son with sadness in her eyes. “It has never happened.”
“Really?” Ali was shocked and disappointed.
“Never. I wish I could help you.” She was truly sorry. “In 30 years of marriage your father has never hurt me. Confused me, yes. Frustrated me, sure. But he has never hurt my feelings or caused sadness or disappointment to enter my heart. Never. Not once.”
“Wow.” Ali didn’t know what else to say.
“Your father is a man of few words. You know that. He is an excellent listener. He thinks before he speaks and acts.” She laughed. “He would rather remain quiet and miss saying the right thing, than to speak and risk saying the wrong thing. It’s harder to hurt people when you behave like that.”
“Ok well, what if he had? What would you need to get past it?” Ali asked.
“Honesty, openness, vulnerability.” She reached for Ali’s hands again. “Fatima loves you. Desperately. Since her childhood. She wants her family. She wants her marriage. She wants you. That’s why she was so devastated by this news. Just reassure her that she still has all of that.”
Ali stood and lifted his mother off her feet. He hugged her and held her tightly to him. “Thank-you Mama. Thank-you”
“It was my deepest pleasure, my beautiful son.” He put her down and she kissed his chest.
“I think I need to go home now,” he said.
“It’s about time.” Her eyes sparkled.
Before Ali left the house they all hugged him again and sent their love to Fatima. He felt like he could take on the world.

When he arrived at home the smell of roses greeted him at the door. Knowing there were no roses in the house he realized that it must be the oil he had bought Fatima two days before. He walked through the foyer, down the hall and into the family room. When he entered the room he saw that Fatima had fallen asleep where she had prayed Fajr. That happened to her a lot these days since she was naturally tired being at the end of her pregnancy. He moved closer and he could see the empty tea cup by her side and one of her hands closed around the paper he had left on the counter.
Ali bent and gently lifted Fatima. Even with the added weight of her pregnancy she felt like nothing in his arms. She stirred. “Ali?”
Ali pulled back his head to look at her. “Who else would it be?”
“You’re silly,” she whispered.
“Shhh, shhh, sleep,” Ali said.
He brought her to their room, placed her in bed and tucked her in. “Fatima, I am so sorry for everything. I can’t imagine what you must have felt when you received that letter. I should never have allowed that to happen. I should have been the one to tell you. I’m sorry I couldn’t do or say anything to make it better for you. I was just so shocked myself. I didn’t really know what to say. I’m sorry I let you down. I am so sorry.”
Her breathing remained even and Ali was not sure if she had heard him or not. He got up to leave the room and as he walked through the doorway he heard her ever so softly say, “Thank you.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

“Why don’t you ever get wet?”
“My job is to instruct. Your job is to swim.” Rachel walked along the side of the pool in her flip flops while Tracy and the other girls completed their warm up laps. Every few minutes she would glide her foot through the water. She could never be this close to a pool and not go in.
Tracy stopped swimming and started treading water. “I think it’s about time you feel how refreshing this pool is.” Tracy pulled her hand back, threatening to splash Rachel as she continued walking.
“If one drop of water touches me you’ll be doing extra laps, breast stroke.”
“After all these years you’re still no fun.” Tracy glided forward and resumed her gentle strokes inline with the other six girls on the team. Rachel had been coaching her since she was nine yrs old and the other girls almost as long. They were all Grade 11 and 12 students now. Though they were silly sometimes, when it came to the business of swimming they didn’t mess around. They held three national records to prove it.
Rachel continued to run the girls through various drills until 8 pm. As they were getting out of the water Rachel noticed a young man outside the exit door. When Rachel spotted him he stepped to the side. The giggling that was coming from the girls as they headed toward the change room told her that something was going on that she needed to investigate. She walked towards the door and opened it. “Hi, can I help you.”
“Waitin’ for Tracy,” he mumbled. Rachel raised her eyebrow and quickly processed what she had just taken in about this boy. Extremely baggy jeans rolled several times over untied sneakers, bandana hanging out of his back pocket, another one on his head, two ridiculously oversized t-shirts, at least three earrings, and tattoos travelling from his knuckles to his neck.
You can wait a little longer. Rachel thought. She slipped into the office and called Tracy’s mother. “Hi Mrs. Taylor. I’ll be driving by your house, would it be ok if I give Tracy a ride home?”
“Ofcourse, but I thought she was planning to go for pizza with some friends after practice.”
“Somehow I think she’s had a change of plans.” Rachel replied.

Rachel entered the change room just as the girls were getting dressed. Silence fell on the room as soon as she appeared.
“Tracy, I just spoke to your mom. She’s expecting me to drive you home. I’ll be out in five.” Before Tracy could answer Rachel left to get ready. Not on her life was she going to let one of her girls leave with that. What was Tracy thinking? The guy couldn’t even put a sentence together.
How Rachel wished she had someone to look out for her when she was that age. Girls just had no clue the kind of fire they were playing with. It’s all fun and games, until you’re left holding the dirty end of the stick. No matter how you warned them, every girl thought she was the exception. Rachel knew that from experience.

Later that night Rachel rocked herself in her chair. She often sat and looked out her window when she needed to clear her head. The night sky, moon and stars had a soothing effect on her. She loved the sounds of the night; the insects, the wind whistling through the trees, dogs barking and cars in the distance.
She had dropped Tracy home earlier and lectured her all the way. Tracy had told her that Troy was no one special, just a guy from the neighbourhood. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about. These girls had no clue.
Rachel hugged a stuffed bear that her father had bought for her before she was born. She always held it when she wanted to feel close to him. For weeks after his death the bear still had his smell. Then one day she picked up the bear and could no longer smell him. The last real part of him was gone forever.
Her room was still decorated as it had been in her childhood. Soft hues of pink and purple dominated the space and in one corner of the room a huge mound of stuffed animals reached half way up the wall. The wallpaper was white with tiny pink flowers on it. Rachel remembered when her parents had decorated her room.
It had been a surprise Christmas present one year. In all these years she hadn’t changed anything. She still slept in a single bed. Many nights one or both of her sons would come to her room. They would all sleep together, or Rachel may leave them in the bed and spend the night in her chair.
It was late and she couldn’t sleep as usual. She had so many thoughts running through her head. She hadn’t told Fatima everything. She still had to go back to the doctor. The ultrasound had shown old scar tissue. The doctors were not sure how it would impact her reproductive health. Tears streamed down her face. She thought about her sons and Jamie and all that she had lost because of him. She knew that it wasn’t his fault. She had made the choices, but it had just been so hard. Everything in her life felt so hard.

Outside the street was quite. They lived on a long street that ended in a circle. It was great for the kids and felt very safe. There was one way in and one way out.
She tried to remember her father’s voice, the way he used to talk to her, read to her, and sing to her. Life had been so different after he died. Naomi had never been the same. The night that her father died was the last time Rachel had had a mother and a father. She had been orphaned on her 10th birthday and she had refused to celebrate another birthday since.
She had refused to leave the gravesite on the day of the funeral. Even though it had been raining she had stayed. She was only 10, but her mother had respected her decision. Fatima had insisted on staying with her. Ali’s parents had told Naomi and Dana, Fatima’s mother, to go back and take care of the guests at the house. Mama and Papa agreed to stay at the cemetery for as long as needed. They understood death and loss in a way that few others did.
They had stayed for hours in the rain. Rachel had wanted to pray for her father and Papa had encouraged her to do so. Those memories were so bitter sweet. She had suffered so much, but the comfort, support and strength she had garnered from the Abatis was unlike any other. Whenever she was in need they were there. She had never returned to the cemetery after that day. She couldn’t say good-bye twice.
She often wondered how her life might have been different if she had had her father or even her big brother in her life. Would Jamie have pursued her as he did if he knew that she had men looking out for her? She didn’t think so.
Ali had disapproved of Jamie from the start and the two had had several confrontations as a result. Yet Rachel had been weak enough to still let him through. She suspected that one of the reasons he usually came around at night was to avoid Ali. Only when Ali was travelling did he make daytime appearances and then with a lot of bravado attached to them.
Rachel hated those times the most because then Joshua and Jonah would see him and they would be so crushed when they didn’t get the attention that they so craved from him. After his departure Joshua would be sullen and withdrawn and Jonah would start having nightmares again. This time his nightmares were not connected to a visit from his father and Rachel did not know what to make of that. She wanted to heal her sons, but she didn’t know how to heal herself.
She hugged her bear tighter and rested her face on the animal’s now wet head. Some days she felt so scared. There were so many things she wanted to do, yet she felt blocked. She saw herself free from Jamie and living a life that utilized her talents and skills. She also hoped for a family of her own with a good role model for her sons. She knew that there was no reason for it, yet she couldn’t get through the wall that seemed to stand between her and her ideal life.
She thought about her boys and wondered how they would grow up to be men without their father. She feared what they would think of her if they ever found out what she had done.
The decision to terminate the first pregnancy had been made quickly. She had been a teenager and stressed out and all she knew was that she could not tell her mother. She had just wanted her life to go back to normal. She had only told Fatima about what was going on.
Of course Fatima had begged her not to do it. Fatima had not been married yet, so Rachel doubted that Fatima could even begin to understand what she was dealing with. Fatima had begged her to talk to Naomi. Rachel had refused. That would have defeated the purpose. She didn’t want her mother to know. Naomi had enough stress to deal with. Rachel would not put an added burden on her. She had turned to Fatima instead, but had not taken her advice.
She had thought about talking to Ali, to get the male perspective but she would have been mortified if he had known the truth. Still she felt if he had told her not to go through with it she may have listened. She remembered that during that time they had all taken a road trip with some friends. She had been very sick and Fatima was very attentive. Ali must have been concerned because at one stop when everyone had left the van to get food he had stayed back and asked her point blank, what was wrong.
“I’m sick,” she had replied.
“What kind of sick?” he had countered. His hard stare had really unnerved her. She had no reply. She had been saved by the other passengers returning to the van. She knew he must have considered all the possibilities but in the end there had been no baby so she assumed he had laid it to rest.
After everything was over Rachel had been surprised that she didn’t feel back to normal. Babies haunted her. She saw them everywhere and within a few weeks she was consumed by guilt. The due date of her baby became an obsession and when the day came she decided that she had to have another baby and she had to have one with Jamie. She knew it would not be the same baby, but she had to know what a possibility would be.
Unfortunately she had not realized that she had a problem. She didn’t speak to anyone about her feelings. She didn’t understand that she needed help in dealing with unresolved feelings.
Then Fatima got married and began travelling with Ali. Rachel had felt so alone. When Fatima became pregnant with Masuma Fatima was ecstatic. Ali hadn’t planned on starting a family so soon, but he warmed up to the idea quickly and was as happy as Fatima was. It was all too much for Rachel. She was pregnant almost immediately after Fatima had made her happy announcement. Joshua was born three months after Masuma.
Jamie had only visited Rachel once after Joshua’s birth. When she realized she was pregnant again she felt like such an idiot she couldn’t tell anyone. That’s when Jamie had started coming around incognito. Ali had promised that if he ever saw him in the neighbourhood he would make sure it would be his last visit. They all took him seriously. No one ever told Ali about Jamie’s visits when he was travelling.
The fourth pregnancy had completely caught her off guard. She hadn’t paid attention to the fact that she was feeling strange, and when she realized what had happened she was already three months pregnant. She thought seriously about what to do. She sat many times in this same window watching the street and imagining what her life would be like if she had a third child out of wedlock.
She was so ashamed. What would her friends think of her? How could she do this to another child? What if it was another boy? Oh God, what if it was a girl? She couldn’t handle it. Yet, she had promised never to do again what she had done before. Jaime had known about the first abortion and he had abused her terribly for it. He had called her a murderer on many occasions. All of that had stopped when she had Joshua.
She knew that no matter what she decided, she could not tell him what she had been considering. Then he had come by that night a few weeks ago and she had tried to tell him. He was shocked at the suggestion. He didn’t even want to hear that she might be pregnant. If she was, he had said, there was no way he believed it could be his child. He accused her of terrible things.
As she remembered she pressed her hands against her ears as if that could block out the memories of his harsh voice and stinging words. She had decided right then and there that she would not have the baby. She was not going down the same road with him and she was not going to regret it this time. She would just move on. Still she was devastated that she was in the same position again.
She looked out at Fatima’s house. When the lights went out she knew it was safe to go outside. She needed some fresh air and she couldn’t take a chance that Fatima or Ali would see her out alone that late. She placed the teddy bear back on her bed. She would wash her face and apply light makeup, just to feel good.
She laughed when she looked at herself in the mirror. “What’s the point? Who’s going to see me?” She asked herself. She quietly checked on her boys and then her mom. They were all sleeping peacefully. She tiptoed into the sometimes creaky hall and down the stairs.
Outside the cool night air snapped her back to the present. The wind whistling through the trees reminded her of a sad song. She pictured some gothic creature moaning as the wind carried them from tree to tree and she wondered why she so often felt driven to come out during the night. She locked the door and when she turned around to step off the porch her breath caught in her throat.
“Jamie,” she said breathlessly.
She felt her heart thumping in her chest and she held the railing to steady herself. She was terrified of him, but she was not going to let it show.
She lowered her head and asked evenly, “What are you doing here?”
He smiled easily. “I was in the neighbourhood. I came to see how you’re doing.” He was tall, about six feet. Rachel looked past his broad shoulders to the street. She didn’t see his car. She was quickly trying to think about the best way to get away from him. He was strong, she knew that, and each time he came around he seemed stronger. He had become obsessed with working out in recent years. The stairway was not too wide and his body blocked her escape on one side while he held the opposite railing with his hand.
“I’m fine as usual.” She tried to push past him, but knew that she could never do it if he did not allow.
“Not so fast. Where are you off to?” he asked, his voice laced with charm.
“I’m going for a walk. Now move.” Her voice didn’t sound as strong as she wanted it to. She looked past him at the garden that Ali had planted. Why did he have to be so regular? She thought. She wondered if she should scream. It had not been that long since Fatima’s lights had gone out. The street was quite. She was sure they would hear her. No. There was no reason to panic yet. Everything would be fine.
“You look a little thin compared to the last time I saw you. You stressed out or something?” His eyes travelled slowly form her face to her feet and Rachel had to shake to throw the chill off of her.
“Yah, single parenting will do that to you. Excuse me.” She grabbed his wrist. It felt like steel. She wondered what would happen if she grabbed his pinky finger and pulled it right off. Ali had always told them when outmatched by an opponent that they should not try to match strength but be prepared to attack weak spots.
“Slow down. Aren’t you going to let me in?” He stepped up one level.
Rachel glared at him. He was dark. She could see he had recently shaved his head and his dark eyes were piercing. Some would say he was handsome. She knew the other side of him and she didn’t want to deal with that now, not when she was barely coping with all that was on her mind tonight.
“Why in the hell would I let you into my house?” She surprised even herself. She had to start building her courage sometime.
Jamie was visibly taken aback. She had never spoken to him like that before and he obviously didn’t like it. He was used to getting his own way and he was going to come out on top one way or another tonight. He grabbed her face and squeezed it between his thumb and his four fingers. She could feel the sweat running down the back of her neck and tears burned her eyes. She would never give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry.
“You better watch your mouth, understand me?” He let go and slapped her face not too gently. “You know if I decide to go in you can’t stop me.”
Rachel put her hand to her face to stop her jaw from trembling. “The boys are sleeping,” she said in an almost pleading voice.
Jamie stepped closer to her. “That’s why you’ll be quiet.” Rachel clutched the railing so hard that her circulation cut off and her knuckles turned yellow.
Suddenly Jamie let out a short laugh. “I’ll give you and your nasty little attitude a pass tonight. I understand why you’re feeling a little out of sorts,” he sneered.
Rachel could feel her heart in her throat. Her breathing became strained. The cool breeze on her sweating body caused her trembling to intensify. What did he know she wondered? The seconds felt like minutes. She was frozen. Her body was so stiff it ached. She waited for him to continue.
“I guess you heard the news?”
“What news?” she asked, confused.
“Oh, you didn’t hear? Well it’s all over the internet. Seems the almighty Ali has finally taken a fall.”
Jamie let go of the railing and stepped back. He knew she wouldn’t go anywhere now.
“What are you talking about?” She started desperately searching his face as if she could pull the answers out of him.
“Seems like good little Ali is only good when he’s at home. On the road is another matter.”
“What do you mean?” Rachel was started to feel angry just hearing Jamie say Ali’s name.
“Apparently he has another kid out there somewhere.” Jamie leaned casually on the railing.
Rachel gasped. She would never believe it, and certainly not coming from Jamie. “Shut your mouth. You shut your dirty mouth!” She almost screamed at him, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Jamie glared at her, but he was enjoying this too much to get angry. “Ok, see for yourself. He pulled out his phone, found a news site online and shoved the screen in Rachel’s face.
“Oh, my God.” The article confirmed what Jaime had said. “You loser, you came here just to tell me this. What are you?”
“He’s not looking so good now is he? Or maybe only to the likes of you.” She knew Jamie was holding back laughter and she just wanted to smack the smug look right off his face.
”I don’t believe this. This is garbage.” She pushed the screen away from her face. “It’s a lie. I’ll never believe this.”
“Whatever you say, babe. But keep watching. This show is going to get good.”
Rachel’s head was reeling. The letter from the lawyer, this must be what it was about. Fatima had not mentioned anything. Rachel wondered if she knew about it, yet. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God,” she kept repeating.
She turned to look at Jamie. He was reviewing the article and smiling. “What do you know about this?” she asked him.
“I know he’s finally going to be put in his place, that’s what I know.” Jamie replied. He was smiling from ear to ear.
“Get out of here.” She spat the words at him.
“With pleasure.” He backed down the steps. “But I’ll be back. You just remember who’s running things around here.” He turned and walked toward the street.
Rachel let out a nervous laugh. “Sure, that’s why you parked down the street?” She knew she had said too much. She was still trembling, but after the things Jamie had said about Ali she didn’t care. She would put herself at risk to defend him any day. She knew he would do the same for her.
Jamie whipped around at her comment and Rachel swore if he had not been so far away that she would have received a painful reminder of what it meant to cross him. He stood for a minute and the two of them stared each other down. Then he laughed and walked away.
His car was parked at least 150 metres up the street. She watched him walk away and when he got close the car started up. He had not come alone. She shuddered at the thought of being outside in the dark night with more than one thug at a time.
When he drove away she collapsed in a chair on her front porch. What was going on? It just seemed like everything was spinning out of control. Now this news about Ali; she didn’t know what to do with it. She definitely couldn’t sleep now and it would be hours before she could call Fatima to ask her what was going on. She just curled up in the chair and waited for the sun to come up. She would call Fatima at the first light of day.