The next morning Fatima woke up and looked around as she stretched in her bed. She had intentionally chosen a masculine style for the room. Dark furniture draped with solid colour fabrics brought a strong manly energy to the space. She also usually used duvets and bedding in solid colours, plaids or stripes.
Ali spent so much time travelling that when he wasn’t she wanted him to feel at home. She wanted him to feel completely connected to this room and at peace when he was here. She never encouraged the children to sleep with them, not even when they were babies. They always slept in their rooms. Ali did feel sorry for them sometimes and allow them in on rare occasions. Fatima only permitted them to hang out on the mornings that the family had time to lounge.
She did have some feminine markers in the room as well.The custom blinds were covered with sheer curtains, and on her side of the bed was a soft fluffy rug. She had a couch decorated with large soft cushions. Salt lamps sat on either side of the bed and she always had candles and aromatherapy oils nearby. It was her favourite room in the house.
The events of the last night seemed to be a world away. Ali had not wanted to discuss it when they came home. He just wanted to put it all aside for the time being. Fatima had agreed to keep her focus on her family when she was in her home and leave the outside world beyond her front door.
She was not going to let the events of the evening rob her of precious time. It was Ali’s last night home and no one was going to ruin it. This approach was, sometimes, the only way to keep her sanity and ensure that her and her husband could outride the in-evitable storms and challenges that would arise in their relationship.
As she stretched she looked up at the writing on the ceiling.
You are...
The Answer to my Prayers...
The Fulfillment of my Dreams...
The Direction of my Destiny...
Ali had written it for her, but it reflected her feelings exactly. It had always been such a comfort to her whether he was home or not, but somehow today it made her feel sad. Things were not the same anymore. She had not mentioned Ali’s recent trip out of town, but it was on her mind. She wondered when she would learn about what had been so urgent. She would not bring it up now, but in time he would have to discuss it with her.
Ali would be leaving this morning and not returning until Fri-day. It was always hard to say good-bye, but this time would be more difficult. She really felt like she needed him to be with her right now. When he was with her she didn’t need to think. His presence would block out all her negative thoughts, fears and wor-ries. When he was gone all she did was think.
She missed the days of travelling with him and often won-dered if she had had the children too early. Ali had wanted to wait. They were young, he had said, and had a lot of time but Fatima had been so eager to try and have a son. After having Masuma and facing the realities of parenting, she decided waiting would be a good idea. And then dreams of a boy resurfaced, and along came the twins.
She didn’t even want to think about what this baby might be. She had refused to find out the sex of the baby although the sus-pense sometimes was unbearable.
She leaned over to look at the table beside her bed. She had already found four of the papers that Ali had placed around the house. The first one had the number 7 written on it. The other three papers had one letter each, an n and two e’s. She had placed the four papers in a line on her bedside table. She still needed to find the others to decode the message. Ali had promised her a special gift if she found all of them before he returned.
Fatima had her week fulling planned. She would study in the mornings and then take her daughters out in the afternoon. She had several people she wanted to visit with before her period of con-finement started and she wanted to look for outfits for Rachel’s boys in case Rachel decided to send them to the wedding next week. She would be with Naomi and her church sisters on Friday and then Ali would be home.
She glanced at her clock. She wasn’t sure if she should expect Ra-chel this morning, but she would be ready just in case.
At precisely seven thirty the door bell rang. It was Rachel. She held up a bouquet of flowers as a peace offering.
“How did you find flowers at this time of the morning?” Fa-tima asked as she graciously accepted the gift.
“Oh, I have my ways.”
Rachel came in and closed the door behind her. She was wearing a blue, grey and black plaid skirt, a black sweater and a black leather jacket. She wore her hair curly and looked much younger as a re-sult. “I need to talk to you about last night.”
“Come in.”
When they were both seated in the living room Rachel started speaking. “You know I would never do anything to hurt you, Fati-ma. I only came over because I had a really messed up day and I needed to talk to Ali, that’s all. You know he has this different way of looking at things. I just needed to hear what he had to say. I would never do anything to harm you or your family.” Rachel looked Fatima directly in the eyes.
Rachel continued, “And I am so sorry about that stupid com-ment I made about you not trusting Ali. That was so mean and disgusting of me. We both know he is perfectly trustworthy and you would never have any reason to doubt him. I’m so sorry.”
“Never say never.” Fatima placed the flowers on the table in front of her.
“Don’t say that Fatima.You guys are perfect and I can’t even handle anything less than that today, so don’t even go there.” Ra-chel finally took a breath.
“Oh sure, I wouldn’t want to upset you now, would I?” Fati-ma continued, “So tell me, what happened that had you so upset?”
Rachel told Fatima about the meeting with Brigitte, about Ja-mie following her and Ali and Jamie’s plans to take the boys.
“So you told Ali all this?”
“No, not exactly.”
“Either you did or you didn’t,” Fatima pressed.
“I didn’t.” Rachel looked down.
“Why not?” Fatima was shocked and slightly confused.
“I don’t know, I just felt kind of overwhelmed. What will Ali do when he finds out?” Rachel glanced in Fatima’s direction.
“Well, I don’t know, but he needs to know that he’s being stalked, don’t you think?” Fatima’s eyes were wide.
“You’re going to tell him?” Rachel chewed the inside of her lip.
“Of course I’m going to tell him. What if he’s in danger? How could you keep this from him? What did you come over for if not to tell him this?”
“I don’t know. I was just babbling, really.” Rachel looked down at her lap, folding and unfolding a corner of her jacket.
Fatima furrowed her brow and assessed Rachel. She believed that Rachel’s apology was sincere but she did notice that Rachel suddenly had trouble meeting her gaze. She knew Rachel too well. Rachel didn’t have to tell her why she had come over. It was obvious. And Fatima would never forget the words Rachel had said last night.‘You have everything. I just wanted a few minutes.’ Anyway, that wasn’t important now. This news about Jamie was going to have to take precedence.
“Don’t you think it’s about time you talked to the police, or at least saw a lawyer? You have to do something, Rachel. Shawn is really great, maybe you should talk to him.”
“I don’t know.” Rachel struggled with this issue. She was so afraid of making waves.
“What are you going to do? Wait until Jamie really goes ber-serk around here? You have two little boys, Rachel; and your mom. It’s not just about you.”
Rachel knew Fatima was right.
“This is not going to go away. You have to meet it head on or else it is going to blow up in your face. We’re all here for you, you can do this.”
“I’m not like you Fatima, I can’t.”
“Yes you can and you have to. Things are getting out of hand and you have to take action. I know you’re scared. You just move forward anyway. We’re going to support you. We have so many resources. You can get the best lawyers. You can have all kinds of security and protection. There is no limit to what we would do for you.You just have to say the word. But it has to come from you.”
Silence fell between them as Rachel soaked in Fatima’s words. She knew Fatima was right and she agreed it was time for her to do something now. She had to. The first step was just the hardest.
“I went to see my dad.”
Fatima eyes misted. “That’s wonderful. How was it?’
“Good. It was really good.” Rachel dabbed at the tears that where gathering in her eyes.
“You should go more often. Regularly. Maybe it will give you the strength you need right now.”
Rachel nodded then quickly changed the subject. “So you’re going to tell Ali?”
“Absolutely.”
“Ok, I’m going to think about everything you said. Really, I’m going to think about it.”
“Good. Anyway, time is passing. Let’s get started.” Fatima reached for the dua books she had put on the table.
First they started with Hadith e Kisa /The Story of the Cloak. Fatima explained briefly to Rachel. “One of the things I love about this hadith is the way the family members speak to each other. Imam Ali doesn’t call his wife, ‘Fatima’, he calls her ‘Daughter of the Prophet’ and she, in turn, doesn’t refer to him simply as ‘Ali,’ she uses his full title, ‘Commander of the Faithful.’
“When they speak to their children it is with so much love and tenderness, it reminds us that those we are supposed to be most respectful to are the members of our household and not the outside people, the way we usually are.
“It is said that whenever this hadith is read, the angels come down and encircle the people, praying for their forgiveness until the gathering disperses and Allah answers requests made at that time. So, I really love this.”
The two ladies spent the remainder of their hour together read-ing and listening to various duas and Quran. Fatima and Rachel both made their own specific supplications, and when Rachel left to go to work Fatima prepared to give Ali the news.
“I know.”
“You know?” Fatima sat on the longue chair in her bedroom. “How did you know and when were you going to tell me?”
“I didn’t want to worry you.” Ali walked into his closet to get his clothes.
“The more things you keep from me the more worried I get.” Fatima raised her voice slightly to make sure he heard her.
He stepped back through the door way. “I just found out last night. Shawn has a private investigator working on my case and this is what he came up with so far.”
“That was fast.”
“He has good men.” Ali disappeared into the closet again.
“Ali, could you just sit down for a second and talk to me?” Fatima hated when he behaved like this.
Ali returned to the room, stopped getting dressed and sat on the bed facing Fatima.
“What else do you need to tell me?” Fatima asked.
“It’s just what Rachel said, Jamie is following us in an attempt to stir up trouble.When we have more evidence then we can take action.”
“What kind of action?”
“Don’t worry, Fatima.”
“This is my family, and all you can say is, ‘don’t worry?” Do you think that’s reasonable? Now you’re leaving. How do you ex-pect me to feel?”
“You’ll be safe when I’m away. I’ve made sure of it,” Ali said.
“Oh, when were you going to clue me in to what’s going on?”
“I tell you what I think you need to know,” he replied without changing his facial expression.
“How manly of you.” She was deliberately sarcastic, knowing how much he hated it.
“I am what I am, Fatima. I’m not going to come to you with every little problem to stress you out when you can’t do anything about it anyway.”
“I just want to feel included. If something involves me or the family. I just want to know. It’s important to me. And how do you know I can’t do anything? I have a brain, I have ideas too.”
Ali glanced at the clock. “Ok, what do you want to know?”
“Don’t talk to me like that, Ali. I’m trying to communicate with you, here.” Ali could be so warm at times and then suddenly shift to being so distant, often with no warning. “Well, did the in-vestigator find out anything else? Related to your case I mean.” She could not bring herself to say the word ‘paternity.’
“Well, I studied the photos, and it looks like my pictures were cropped from pictures that we took last summer when we went on vacation.” Ali said.
“How would someone have had access to them?”
“I had emailed them to my cousins, so who knows. If some-one got into my email then they could get it, I guess.”
“What about the emails?” Fatima questioned.
“They were all sent between midnight and 2 am. You know I’m always sleeping at that time.”
She knew that was true. She had never known Ali to stay up much past 10 pm. He would sleep even earlier if he could. He al-ways woke up early, extremely early, but never before 2 am.
“Well, someone knows your schedule.What about the re-ceipts?” Fatima continued.
“The dates are right. I was at those hotels.” Ali stood and walked around the room. “I don’t know how anyone got a hold of them, or if they are even the originals. The team is still working on that.”
“I see. Anything else?”
“No, that’s about it for now.”
So he is still being tight lipped about his trip, Fatima thought. She wanted to ask about the paternity test, but the words could not pass her lips. As if Ali could read her mind he said, “Shawn is still researching the best company to do the DNA test with. You know, to make sure everything goes smoothly.”
Fatima nodded. “Ok, I just wish you felt comfortable to share with me. You shouldn’t be dealing with this by yourself.” She was trying to be supportive although she really wished she could jump somewhere into the future to a time when this would no longer matter.
Ali recalled the way Fatima’s mood had changed when he had re-minded her that Shawn was coming over to discuss the case. He also recalled the look on her face when Shawn had left the house. How could he keep bringing up an issue that he knew disturbed her so much? “I can handle it.” He stood up and pulled his shirt over his head.
“I know you can handle it, Ali.That’s not the point. It makes me feel like you don’t trust me or value me when you don’t tell me things. I’m your wife. I want to be there for you.”
“You are. You’re there in the way that I need; it just may not be what you think I need.”
“What about what I need?”
Ali squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head back. When he brought it forward his eyes were heavy. “I’m trying Fatima. I am trying.”
Fatima knew that he was. “Ok, ok, let’s leave it for now. Thanks for telling me everything. I really appreciate it.” Fatima smiled as she thought about his impending departure. “Anyway, I want you to leave happy.”
Ali smiled back. “Impossible.”
After Ali and Fatima had fed and dressed the children, they said their goodbyes and Ali departed amidst a torrent of hugs and kisses from the little ladies of his house. He then crossed the street to say goodbye to his parents. Fatima turned in to start studying. She had a full day ahead of her, but she knew that no matter how busy she was Friday could not come soon enough.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Fatima parked the car and turned off the ignition. “Alhamdulillah”. She was home. Her last class of the year was complete, and she only had to prepare for her exams. The first of them was next Friday, her due date. She hoped she would be able to write it. The second one was later in the month and would most likely have to be deferred until the summer. She was not looking forward to the possibility of writing an exam in the summer, with a new baby, but at least Ali would be home and available to help with the children and the house.
She wasn’t sure if he had decided to study or not this summer. Either way, she knew she would have his help, as well as the help of the extended family. She would just wait and see what he decided to do. A long time ago she had learned the value of being silent. It wasn’t necessary to resolve every issue by talking. It was the natural female approach, but men didn’t appreciate it. Ali was patient , but he was still a man.
Allah had made men the head of the household, and they were capable of so much, but a simple thing like a woman asking a question was enough to mess them up. Early in her marriage, she had learned that many issues could be resolved without saying a word. Time, prayer, patience and compassion could take of so much.
She got out of the car, removed her back pack from the back seat and headed up the long stone path towards her house. Ali and Papa had completed the landscaping last year. The neighbours had questioned why they hadn’t just hired someone to do it, but Fatima never did. She understood the need a man had to do things with his hands. It was also a wonderful time for father and son to bond. She prayed that Ali could have that experience with his own son one day.
She smiled as she remembered advice Papa had given her when she got married. ‘When your husband is upset, you be quiet. When he is happy then you talk.’ It had come in handy on more than one occasion.
It wasn’t always easy to tell when Ali was upset, but these days she knew he was stressed. The baby was coming, he was dealing with the paternity suit and he knew Fatima wasn’t happy about it. He was concerned about what his parents were thinking. He still had to travel tomorrow to complete the final games of the regular basketball season, and on top of it all, it was April.
He never spoke about it, but more than once she had seen him looking at a picture he had of himself and his grandmother, taken when he was a small boy. Fatima ached inside. She wished she could help him, but she didn’t know how and she felt like he would not allow her even if she tried.
Fatima stepped onto the first of the porch steps, and one of the front doors opened slightly. She could see the light from inside the house, but nothing else. She took another step and the door opened a little more. She paused. The door remained still. With each step the door opened just a little more.
When she reached the top of the porch, she tip-toed to the door. She was determined to catch Ali this time. She silently slipped through the doorway and looked behind the door. There was nothing there.
“Boo,” Ali whispered from behind her. Before she could turn around, he had taken the backpack from her shoulder. How did he do that? Go from behind the door to the other side of the doorway, without her seeing him? If he had been behind the door at all. She could never figure it out.
She put her hand on her hip and looked up at him. “Don’t you have anything better to do than to frighten pregnant women, in the night?”
Ali pretended to be thinking. “Right now? No.Nothing at all.”
It was Ali’s last night home this week. As of tomorrow, he would be on the road until Friday. He always tried to make this time special, just as Fatima tried to make his time away special for the girls. She removed her shoes and her head scarf. “Isn’t it past your bedtime?” She asked.
He reached behind her and closed the door. “You know I can’t sleep until I know you’re home.”
Fatima laughed. “Well, you’re going to have a long week.”
“As always.” Ali stepped aside, giving Fatima entrance to the kitchen. “How was your class?”
“All I care, is that it’s over, thank goodness. School is the last thing I want to think about right now.” She looked at the pie on the table. “Looks like you started without me.”
Ali moved the pie to the island. “Sit.” After Fatima sat at the table he sat across from her. “Sister Charles stopped by.”
“I actually saw her up the street. She stopped my car on the way in. She mentioned that she saw you.” Ali nodded. Fatima continued, “So how was your night?”
“The usual; kids, kids, kids and more kids, kids, kids,” Ali answered casually.
“Yes, I heard you have a lot,” Fatima replied.
Ali stretched his legs under the table. “It’s my wife. You know, she just won’t stop.”
“What? Ali, that’s not nice.”
“I thought we were joking.” Ali rested his forearms on top of the table.
“That didn’t sound like a joke to me.” Fatima moved her hands to her lap.
“I’m sorry.” He smiled. “It was 90% joke.”
Fatima got up to leave the table and Ali grabbed her arm.
“What else happened tonight?” She asked.
“Why do I get the feeling you already know?” Ali pulled her back into her seat.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You just got home. It’s not what I want to talk about right now,” he replied, “or how I want to spend our last few hours together,” he added as he seated himself across from her.
“What happened? Is everything ok?” Fatima asked referring to Rachel’s visit.
“She just needed to talk.”
“What’s going on? And why didn’t she just wait for me to come home, if she was already here?”
“It wasn’t a big deal, just stuff.” Ali brushed some crumbs from the table.
“Naomi is ok… and the boys?”
“Yes, I think they’re fine.”
“You think they’re fine, and she just needed to talk about stuff that you can’t tell me. Do I have it right?” Fatima was having a difficult time hiding her irritation. She couldn’t understand Ali’s elusive behaviour these days. She felt like she didn’t know who she was living with anymore.
“She just had a bad day, I guess. It seems like she’s had a lot on her mind.”
“Really? So she needed to talk. Did she forget that I had a class?”
Ali sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. “I can’t say. She was just upset. Her dad has been on her mind a lot and she just needed to talk about it. That’s all.”
“Why didn’t you tell her to come back when I got home?”
“I was going to, but she was all messed up and I could tell she was embarrassed that I wouldn’t let her in. I couldn’t do that to her.”
“You couldn’t? Oh, I see. I’m happy that you’re so considerate. Well, we have an agreement here and if this is going to work out then the boundaries have to be respected.
“You’re right. It was a special case. You had to be here to see. She was in bad shape.” Ali could see that Fatima’s agitation was growing and his focus was keeping the situation from escalating.
“That makes it worse.” She motioned with her hands. “Your shoulder is not the one she should be crying on.”
“She was nowhere near my shoulder.”
“Isn’t that comforting?” Fatima answered sarcastically. She stood up, slipped on her scarf and shoes, then reached for the door. “Maybe, I should go and talk to her.”
Ali moved as quickly as she did. He reached over her and put his hand on the door. “It’s late.”
Fatima pulled the door open. “That didn’t stop her from coming to my house.”
In 20 seconds flat, Fatima was at the side door of Rachel’s house. She started knocking on the door and when she remembered that Naomi was the owner of the house she knocked more softly. She caught her breath and stepped back. How many times had she knocked on this same door during her childhood?
She had knocked when she was desperate to use the washroom and not able to make it to her own house just steps away. She had knocked when she was thirsty or hurt or needed comfort. This time she was hurt and confused. Ali was keeping something from her. If Rachel had come to speak to him when she wasn’t home there must be a reason why and she wanted to know what that was.
Rachel moved the curtains to look out. The same curtains they had shopped for together, and Fatima had sewn with so much love, putting her trademark F on. Rachel opened the door and asked, “Fatima, what’s going on?”
“You were at my house tonight,” Fatima said. “Is everything alright?”
Rachel’s concerned looked changed. She stepped outside and closed the door behind her.
“Yes,” she said and crossed her arms in front of her. She was still feeling a little uncomfortable about her visit and anticipated that Fatima may be annoyed. She was prepared. Ali was Fatima’s husband but Rachel was not going to let Fatima take her to task for a simple conversation.
“You’re ok?”
“I guess.”
“So what happened? Why didn’t you wait for me?”
“I just needed to talk. A lot has been going on lately,” Rachel stated flatly.
“Ok...”
When Rachel didn’t elaborate Fatima finally said, “You knew I was at school.”
“And? What’s the problem? I can’t talk to Ali anymore? We’ve been friends since grade three.”
Fatima was fuming. She had come to Rachel’s house to see what had happened, to make sure she was alright, and all Fatima was getting was this strange attitude from her.What was going on? She couldn’t understand what had gotten into Rachel. If she was truthful, at this point she didn’t want to understand. She just wanted to make herself perfectly clear. “Rachel, we have boundaries and you know why.”
Rachel narrowed her eyes. “Don’t you trust your husband?” It was a low blow considering the current issues at hand.
Fatima stepped up to meet Rachel and looked her straight in the eye. “I trust God and can handle whatever comes my way.”
Rachel’s nostrils flared and her eyebrows arched. “Well handle this. Yes, I knew you were at school. Yes, I went to your house at 9:30 on a cold, dark night knowing that you were not there, because I needed something from someone and no, it wasn’t you. I needed my friend. My best friend. As I remember, I used to have two of them.”
Fatima kept her breathing even and refused to respond. She wanted to hear everything.
“Your beloved husband opened the door, to find a basket case on his front porch, and attempted to call everybody and their mother to deal with it, so he wouldn’t have to. After I freaked out and made a total fool of myself, he finally let me in and was gracious enough to allow me a seat at your kitchen table, making sure to sit as far away from me as possible. He gave me cold water, and let me babble. Then, when your children needed him, he left me to enjoy Sister Charles’ pie by myself, with Batool’s help of course. Then, I let myself out, through the door that was left open the entire time. I think you would have been proud of him.”
Fatima should have been furious, but all she felt for Rachel at that moment was sympathy.
“Why Rachel? Why do you do this to yourself?”
Rachel was startled by the sudden change in Fatima’s approach. “What are you talking about? Listen forget it, ok? It was just a conversation. No big deal.”
“Really.”
“Look, Fatima you have everything. All I wanted was just a few minutes.” Rachel leaned on the metal railing while watching Fatima.
“You still don’t get it. You have it all too. If you would just stop focussing on what you think you’re missing you might be able to see all that you have. Ali has never stopped being your friend. Anytime you need him he’s there for you. He watches out for your mom and takes care of your boys like they’re his. He would lay down his life for you. How many people have friends like that? But somehow that’s not enough for you.What do you want, Rachel?”
Rachel shifted her eyes. “He just feels sorry for me.”
Fatima laughed out loud and shook her head. “I’m sure if he wanted to give charity there are many easier ways he could do it,” she retorted.
Rachel remained silent, but her bottom lip started to quiver. Fatima stepped down into the garden. She picked up the stones that Ali had placed so carefully. She started throwing them at the budding crocuses just pushing their way through the dirt. “Who” she threw a stone, “plants flowers” she threw another stone, “in someone else’s garden?”
Rachel released her hands and then crossed them again. “He did that for my mother,” she said decidedly.
“Your mother is blind!” Fatima had not realized her voice had increased so much in volume.
Rachel covered her mouth to prevent herself from speaking. Fatima, breathing heavily stood at the bottom of the stairs looking up to Rachel’s level. “That is exactly why you are in the situation you’re in.You don’t even know what love looks like.”
Rachel saw Ali before Fatima did.
“Fatima, it’s time to go inside.” Ali’s deep voice cut through the night air and the building tension between the two women. All that could be heard now was the rustling trees and their breathing.
Fatima and Rachel stood staring at each other without speaking.
Rachel spoke first. She had to take a cleansing breath and clear her throat to do it. “Your husband is speaking to you.”
Fatima shook her head and turned to walk away. Rachel watched Fatima and Ali enter their home before she retreated and slowly locked her door.
She wasn’t sure if he had decided to study or not this summer. Either way, she knew she would have his help, as well as the help of the extended family. She would just wait and see what he decided to do. A long time ago she had learned the value of being silent. It wasn’t necessary to resolve every issue by talking. It was the natural female approach, but men didn’t appreciate it. Ali was patient , but he was still a man.
Allah had made men the head of the household, and they were capable of so much, but a simple thing like a woman asking a question was enough to mess them up. Early in her marriage, she had learned that many issues could be resolved without saying a word. Time, prayer, patience and compassion could take of so much.
She got out of the car, removed her back pack from the back seat and headed up the long stone path towards her house. Ali and Papa had completed the landscaping last year. The neighbours had questioned why they hadn’t just hired someone to do it, but Fatima never did. She understood the need a man had to do things with his hands. It was also a wonderful time for father and son to bond. She prayed that Ali could have that experience with his own son one day.
She smiled as she remembered advice Papa had given her when she got married. ‘When your husband is upset, you be quiet. When he is happy then you talk.’ It had come in handy on more than one occasion.
It wasn’t always easy to tell when Ali was upset, but these days she knew he was stressed. The baby was coming, he was dealing with the paternity suit and he knew Fatima wasn’t happy about it. He was concerned about what his parents were thinking. He still had to travel tomorrow to complete the final games of the regular basketball season, and on top of it all, it was April.
He never spoke about it, but more than once she had seen him looking at a picture he had of himself and his grandmother, taken when he was a small boy. Fatima ached inside. She wished she could help him, but she didn’t know how and she felt like he would not allow her even if she tried.
Fatima stepped onto the first of the porch steps, and one of the front doors opened slightly. She could see the light from inside the house, but nothing else. She took another step and the door opened a little more. She paused. The door remained still. With each step the door opened just a little more.
When she reached the top of the porch, she tip-toed to the door. She was determined to catch Ali this time. She silently slipped through the doorway and looked behind the door. There was nothing there.
“Boo,” Ali whispered from behind her. Before she could turn around, he had taken the backpack from her shoulder. How did he do that? Go from behind the door to the other side of the doorway, without her seeing him? If he had been behind the door at all. She could never figure it out.
She put her hand on her hip and looked up at him. “Don’t you have anything better to do than to frighten pregnant women, in the night?”
Ali pretended to be thinking. “Right now? No.Nothing at all.”
It was Ali’s last night home this week. As of tomorrow, he would be on the road until Friday. He always tried to make this time special, just as Fatima tried to make his time away special for the girls. She removed her shoes and her head scarf. “Isn’t it past your bedtime?” She asked.
He reached behind her and closed the door. “You know I can’t sleep until I know you’re home.”
Fatima laughed. “Well, you’re going to have a long week.”
“As always.” Ali stepped aside, giving Fatima entrance to the kitchen. “How was your class?”
“All I care, is that it’s over, thank goodness. School is the last thing I want to think about right now.” She looked at the pie on the table. “Looks like you started without me.”
Ali moved the pie to the island. “Sit.” After Fatima sat at the table he sat across from her. “Sister Charles stopped by.”
“I actually saw her up the street. She stopped my car on the way in. She mentioned that she saw you.” Ali nodded. Fatima continued, “So how was your night?”
“The usual; kids, kids, kids and more kids, kids, kids,” Ali answered casually.
“Yes, I heard you have a lot,” Fatima replied.
Ali stretched his legs under the table. “It’s my wife. You know, she just won’t stop.”
“What? Ali, that’s not nice.”
“I thought we were joking.” Ali rested his forearms on top of the table.
“That didn’t sound like a joke to me.” Fatima moved her hands to her lap.
“I’m sorry.” He smiled. “It was 90% joke.”
Fatima got up to leave the table and Ali grabbed her arm.
“What else happened tonight?” She asked.
“Why do I get the feeling you already know?” Ali pulled her back into her seat.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You just got home. It’s not what I want to talk about right now,” he replied, “or how I want to spend our last few hours together,” he added as he seated himself across from her.
“What happened? Is everything ok?” Fatima asked referring to Rachel’s visit.
“She just needed to talk.”
“What’s going on? And why didn’t she just wait for me to come home, if she was already here?”
“It wasn’t a big deal, just stuff.” Ali brushed some crumbs from the table.
“Naomi is ok… and the boys?”
“Yes, I think they’re fine.”
“You think they’re fine, and she just needed to talk about stuff that you can’t tell me. Do I have it right?” Fatima was having a difficult time hiding her irritation. She couldn’t understand Ali’s elusive behaviour these days. She felt like she didn’t know who she was living with anymore.
“She just had a bad day, I guess. It seems like she’s had a lot on her mind.”
“Really? So she needed to talk. Did she forget that I had a class?”
Ali sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. “I can’t say. She was just upset. Her dad has been on her mind a lot and she just needed to talk about it. That’s all.”
“Why didn’t you tell her to come back when I got home?”
“I was going to, but she was all messed up and I could tell she was embarrassed that I wouldn’t let her in. I couldn’t do that to her.”
“You couldn’t? Oh, I see. I’m happy that you’re so considerate. Well, we have an agreement here and if this is going to work out then the boundaries have to be respected.
“You’re right. It was a special case. You had to be here to see. She was in bad shape.” Ali could see that Fatima’s agitation was growing and his focus was keeping the situation from escalating.
“That makes it worse.” She motioned with her hands. “Your shoulder is not the one she should be crying on.”
“She was nowhere near my shoulder.”
“Isn’t that comforting?” Fatima answered sarcastically. She stood up, slipped on her scarf and shoes, then reached for the door. “Maybe, I should go and talk to her.”
Ali moved as quickly as she did. He reached over her and put his hand on the door. “It’s late.”
Fatima pulled the door open. “That didn’t stop her from coming to my house.”
In 20 seconds flat, Fatima was at the side door of Rachel’s house. She started knocking on the door and when she remembered that Naomi was the owner of the house she knocked more softly. She caught her breath and stepped back. How many times had she knocked on this same door during her childhood?
She had knocked when she was desperate to use the washroom and not able to make it to her own house just steps away. She had knocked when she was thirsty or hurt or needed comfort. This time she was hurt and confused. Ali was keeping something from her. If Rachel had come to speak to him when she wasn’t home there must be a reason why and she wanted to know what that was.
Rachel moved the curtains to look out. The same curtains they had shopped for together, and Fatima had sewn with so much love, putting her trademark F on. Rachel opened the door and asked, “Fatima, what’s going on?”
“You were at my house tonight,” Fatima said. “Is everything alright?”
Rachel’s concerned looked changed. She stepped outside and closed the door behind her.
“Yes,” she said and crossed her arms in front of her. She was still feeling a little uncomfortable about her visit and anticipated that Fatima may be annoyed. She was prepared. Ali was Fatima’s husband but Rachel was not going to let Fatima take her to task for a simple conversation.
“You’re ok?”
“I guess.”
“So what happened? Why didn’t you wait for me?”
“I just needed to talk. A lot has been going on lately,” Rachel stated flatly.
“Ok...”
When Rachel didn’t elaborate Fatima finally said, “You knew I was at school.”
“And? What’s the problem? I can’t talk to Ali anymore? We’ve been friends since grade three.”
Fatima was fuming. She had come to Rachel’s house to see what had happened, to make sure she was alright, and all Fatima was getting was this strange attitude from her.What was going on? She couldn’t understand what had gotten into Rachel. If she was truthful, at this point she didn’t want to understand. She just wanted to make herself perfectly clear. “Rachel, we have boundaries and you know why.”
Rachel narrowed her eyes. “Don’t you trust your husband?” It was a low blow considering the current issues at hand.
Fatima stepped up to meet Rachel and looked her straight in the eye. “I trust God and can handle whatever comes my way.”
Rachel’s nostrils flared and her eyebrows arched. “Well handle this. Yes, I knew you were at school. Yes, I went to your house at 9:30 on a cold, dark night knowing that you were not there, because I needed something from someone and no, it wasn’t you. I needed my friend. My best friend. As I remember, I used to have two of them.”
Fatima kept her breathing even and refused to respond. She wanted to hear everything.
“Your beloved husband opened the door, to find a basket case on his front porch, and attempted to call everybody and their mother to deal with it, so he wouldn’t have to. After I freaked out and made a total fool of myself, he finally let me in and was gracious enough to allow me a seat at your kitchen table, making sure to sit as far away from me as possible. He gave me cold water, and let me babble. Then, when your children needed him, he left me to enjoy Sister Charles’ pie by myself, with Batool’s help of course. Then, I let myself out, through the door that was left open the entire time. I think you would have been proud of him.”
Fatima should have been furious, but all she felt for Rachel at that moment was sympathy.
“Why Rachel? Why do you do this to yourself?”
Rachel was startled by the sudden change in Fatima’s approach. “What are you talking about? Listen forget it, ok? It was just a conversation. No big deal.”
“Really.”
“Look, Fatima you have everything. All I wanted was just a few minutes.” Rachel leaned on the metal railing while watching Fatima.
“You still don’t get it. You have it all too. If you would just stop focussing on what you think you’re missing you might be able to see all that you have. Ali has never stopped being your friend. Anytime you need him he’s there for you. He watches out for your mom and takes care of your boys like they’re his. He would lay down his life for you. How many people have friends like that? But somehow that’s not enough for you.What do you want, Rachel?”
Rachel shifted her eyes. “He just feels sorry for me.”
Fatima laughed out loud and shook her head. “I’m sure if he wanted to give charity there are many easier ways he could do it,” she retorted.
Rachel remained silent, but her bottom lip started to quiver. Fatima stepped down into the garden. She picked up the stones that Ali had placed so carefully. She started throwing them at the budding crocuses just pushing their way through the dirt. “Who” she threw a stone, “plants flowers” she threw another stone, “in someone else’s garden?”
Rachel released her hands and then crossed them again. “He did that for my mother,” she said decidedly.
“Your mother is blind!” Fatima had not realized her voice had increased so much in volume.
Rachel covered her mouth to prevent herself from speaking. Fatima, breathing heavily stood at the bottom of the stairs looking up to Rachel’s level. “That is exactly why you are in the situation you’re in.You don’t even know what love looks like.”
Rachel saw Ali before Fatima did.
“Fatima, it’s time to go inside.” Ali’s deep voice cut through the night air and the building tension between the two women. All that could be heard now was the rustling trees and their breathing.
Fatima and Rachel stood staring at each other without speaking.
Rachel spoke first. She had to take a cleansing breath and clear her throat to do it. “Your husband is speaking to you.”
Fatima shook her head and turned to walk away. Rachel watched Fatima and Ali enter their home before she retreated and slowly locked her door.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
CHAPTER TWELVE
Rachel transformed when she got into her workplace. She was dynamic and in control. She supervised an office of 12 people, both full time and part time customer service personnel. Though most of them were older than her she commanded respect and was well liked by all. Today she worked just as efficiently as usual, but her thoughts were on the events of the last 24 hours and her friends, Ali and Fatima.
Fatima had not told her but she knew that Ali had been away on Friday night. She did not believe that the law suit had any validity to it. Still something was going on. Something was not making sense. She felt like she had to help them. But how? There had to be way. Fatima was about to deliver a baby and she didn’t need this stress right now.
She thought about the wedding invitation. It would be great to hang out with both Ali and Fatima again. It rarely happened these days. Maybe she should let them take the boys. They so loved being with Ali.
She really needed to think about pressing charges against Jamie. She knew his aggressive behaviour could escalate. Her greatest fear was that he may attack her or harm her in front of the boys. How would they ever heal from that? She couldn’t bear it if her sons witnessed any harm coming to her or violence and aggression from their own father. She was sure that would be the final straw. She would snap. Did she want to wait until that point?
Naomi had been pressuring her to press charges against Jamie for some time. Rachel wasn’t sure why she hadn’t done it. He was her sons’ father. She did not want to be the one to bring him before the law. She knew it would not be her fault, but still she couldn’t bring herself to initiate the process.
“Hi, Rachel.”
“Hey, good morning Jasmine.” Jasmine was one of the women who worked in the office and was five months pregnant. Rachel couldn’t stand the sight of her. She was always bringing in baby books and showing everyone what she had most recently bought for her baby. Rachel could not even walk in the direction of Jasmine’s desk.
In less than five months she would have had her own baby. It seemed so unreal. Strangely enough the first pregnancy was far more vivid and real to her. That child would have been older than Joshua and Masuma. She wondered about that child a lot. Who it would have been and what would have happened to her life if she had had that child, or even if she had healed properly after that loss.
“Rachel. Rachel?”
“Oh yes, sorry about that. You were saying?” Jasmine was motioning to the phone.
“Line three,” she said. Rachel handled the call and returned to her work.
Thoughts of Jamie kept creeping into her mind. What was he up to? Why was he bothering her so much lately? Rachel worried about what would happen if Ali knew he was coming by, or if the two of them got into a confrontation.
There was something Jamie had said that night that really bothered her. “This show is going to get good.” The whole visit was odd. It was really eating her. Rachel definitely knew there was more going on than what appeared on the surface. She had to do some investigation. She picked up the phone.
The morning flew by and too soon it was lunch. “Rachel are you coming with us?” One of the workers asked her.
“No, go ahead. I have an appointment. I’ll see you later.” Rachel gathered her belongings straightened her desk and headed downstairs. She was going to get to the bottom of this. The elevator opened and she stepped out. She was searching inside her handbag for her phone and almost ran over the woman standing in front of her.
“Oh, I’m sorry, pardon me.” Rachel looked up and stared into the face of the nurse from the hospital.
“Excuse me, you’re Rachel right?”
Rachel cocked her head, stepped back and rested her weight on one leg. “Who’s asking?”
“It’s ok honey, I just want to talk to you. I’m Brigitte, the nurse from the hospital. Remember me?”
How could she forget? “What do you want with me?”
Brigitte looked around shaking her head of thick curly hair. “Can we sit somewhere? It’s about Jamie.” Her light brown eyes shifted nervously.
Curiosity and anxiety mixed together. “Sure.” Rachel replied. Brigitte followed as Rachel walked outside and found a private place to sit.
Rachel listened in shocked outrage as Brigitte told her story. She couldn’t believe this. She knew Jamie was low, but this. It was too much. Rachel sat in stunned silence. “Why did you come and tell me all this,” she asked Brigitte the nurse.
Brigitte smiled. “I don’t know. I just liked you for some reason. I’ve seen your boys around. They’re beautiful. I just thought that you deserved to know.”
“Thank-you.”
Brigitte got up to leave. “And Rachel,”
“Yes.”
“Jamie knows about the abortion. I’m sorry.”
Time stopped. Rachel did not even see when or how Brigitte left or what direction she went in. She felt dizzy and nauseas and weak all at once. Jamie knows about the abortion. Jamie knows about the abortion. What was she going to do? She wanted to scream, run, hide, anything to get away from this. “He’s going to kill me,” she whispered to herself.
The rest of the day passed by in a blur. For the first time Rachel could remember she did not want the day to end. She did not want to have to leave the office and face the real world and what she was sure would happen next.
Jamie had people following Ali, Brigitte had said. He was trying to find something on him to use to discredit or slander him. That’s why he knew about the paternity suit so quickly. That’s why he was in the neighbourhood so often.
He had been following Rachel too. He was trying to build a case that she was unfit so he could take her sons from her. He wanted to prove that her mother was unstable and her friends and associates were unsavoury. Why? Why? She knew he didn’t want those boys. He just wanted to get back at her for not wanting him. “Oh my God, what am I going to do?”
She got into her car and drove. She had no direction, no purpose. She was almost surprised when she ended up at the cemetery. It took her 20 minutes to get out of the car. She sat clutching the steering wheel fighting the urge to just put the car in drive and burn out of there. She had not been here since the day her father had died. No one had.
Her brother and sister had moved away and her mom hadn’t been able to bear it. Rachel closed the car door and slowly walked toward the plot. She wondered if she would remember where he was. She did. It was like a force pulling her and as she walked her pace quickened.
She found him just where she remembered. The day was so clear in her mind now. The rain. The people. Her refusal to leave. Fatima and Mama and Papa staying with her for hours while she cried and prayed. Now she was back. He had a head stoned now. She had never seen it. ‘Dearly Missed’ it read.
“Oh Daddy you will never know, how much.” Rachel moved closer. “Daddy, I’m here. I am so sorry I left you. I am so sorry I couldn’t come back.” Rachel started to sniffle. She had left her bag in the car so she had nothing to wipe her face. She sat on the grass beside the grave and noticed for the first time flowers on the two sides of his headstone.
She looked around at the other plots. Some had flowers and decorations, others didn’t. Obviously loved ones had left them, but none of them had come back there to visit her father. Who would have left these? Two beautiful bouquets of spring flowers framed the grave. Rachel smelled them and immediately her spirits were lifted. Her father would have loved them. He always loved Naomi’s garden. Rachel remembered that. He preferred to plant vegetables himself, but he did admire Naomi’s devotion to her plants. Rachel guessed that the flowers had been there for at least a week. Still they were holding up pretty well.
Rachel thought about the flowers and how everything in creation had a life span. Everything living eventually would die. Flowers. Plants. Animals. People. That was what they called the circle of life. Then why was it so hard to accept. Why couldn’t we just move on? If death was a part of life then why was it so unbearable?
“Daddy, I’m hear. It’s Rachel. I miss you so much. I love you so much. I can’t imagine you under the ground so far away from me. I can’t stand it that I can’t see you or touch you or hear your voice. I remember all the care you gave me when I was little. You worked so hard to take care of us.”
Rachel remembered the times he went to work with only bread and butter for lunch. Or opened his wallet to give her or her older siblings his last dollars for some school event or something else they needed.
“You sacrificed so much to give us everything you could. You encouraged me when I was down. You held me when I was sad. You stayed up at night with me when I was sick.”
Rachel moved closer and closer until her face was next to the headstone. “Then in your last moments you were alone. I wasn’t there to take care of you. You gave me so much and I gave you nothing. I did nothing for you. I did nothing for you.”
Rachel broke down crying. She placed her hands in the dirt in an effort to get closer to her father. She wanted to hold him so desperately. She needed him so much. She told him everything that had happened to her since her tenth birthday. She told him about Jamie and the babies. All of them. She told him about Fatima and Ali and about how scared she was about her future.
“Daddy just tell me what to do. Please, Daddy just tell me what to do. I am so scared. I need you so much. I’ll do whatever you say please, please help me Daddy.” Rachel sobbed until her chest hurt. She forced herself to catch her breath. As she continued to stroke the dirt around the plot she felt the first drops of rain. The soft rain turned to heavy rain and Rachel stayed. She sat and talked to her father until it got dark and then she went home.
When she pulled into her driveway she remembered. “The daycare. Oh no.” She shut off the engine and ran into the house. Joshua and Jonah were inside the house eating cookies and playing board games. When Rachel entered they jumped up and ran to hug her.
“Mommy you’re dirty,” Joshua said.
“It was raining.” She pushed the boys back and called for Naomi. “Mom! Mom!” Naomi came out of the bedroom. “How did the boys get home?” Rachel asked her mother.
“When you didn’t get them the daycare called. I called Fatima and she sent Ali to pick them up.”
Rachel stood in the same spot, unable to move towards her mother. “I’m sorry. I just got caught up and I didn’t notice the time. I forgot to turn my phone back on. I’m sorry.”
“Are you ok? What happened?” Naomi’s voice was full of concern and sadness.
“Nothing, I just had to do something that’s all. Did they have dinner?”
“Yes, I cooked. They’ve had everything. You just need to put them to bed.”
Rachel clapped her hands. “Let’s go guys, bedtime.” Rachel needed to talk to someone and she didn’t have that much time. She quickly put the boys to bed and turned into her room. She had been in such a hurry to send them off that she had not even changed out of her wet clothes.
Now she peeled off her clothes, showered and got dressed in clean clothes. She put on a pair of khaki cargo pants and a red stretch knit top. She had no time to dry her hair. She combed it back and secured it with a headband. There was so much she needed to say and this might be her only chance to do it. It was Monday and Fatima had a night class. She wouldn’t be back for maybe another hour.
“What should I do?” Rachel sat in her chair and rocked herself as she thought. She looked at the clock and it was already past nine. Fatima’s kids would be in bed by now. Rachel started to pace the room. Back and forth. Back and forth. Then she decided.
“Ok, Ok. I’m going.” She closed her bedroom door behind her and called to her mother. “Ma, I’m going out for a minute.” Then she left quickly before Naomi could ask her any questions.
She crossed the street to Fatima’s house. When she stood in front of the door, took a deep breath and rang the door bell. “Oh, shoot. I’m going to wake the kids.” When Ali opened the door she almost forgot why she had come.
“Sorry about the door bell. I know the kids are probably sleeping.” She tried to keep her hands from moving too much while she looked up at him.
“It’s fine. Don’t worry.” Ali waited for Rachel to say something else. When she didn’t he said, “Fatima’s not home.”
Rachel shifted. She knew she must look a mess. Her face was still swollen from crying and her eyes were red. “Yah, she’s at her class right?”
“Mmm, hmm.” Ali nodded slowly.
“Well, I just really needed to talk.” Ali didn’t move from the doorway and he wasn’t encouraging her conversation either. She was starting to feel very awkward. “Where you busy?”
Ali couldn’t help but laugh. “What’s going on Rachel?”
“I just needed to talk. Could I come in?” After she said it her face started to burn with embarrassment. She had never been in Fatima’s house in her absence. What would Ali, think?
Ali narrowed his eyes. “What happened?”
“I can’t talk like this.” She shifted her weight from one leg to the other.
Ali lowered his head slightly. “Where is your mom?”
“She’s home. I can’t talk to her about this stuff.”
Ali looked over Rachel’s head. “Let me see if my mom is home.”
Rachel couldn’t take anymore. She knew she was making a fool of herself. She was standing in front of this man’s door, begging him to let her in and he wasn’t budging. She was distressed, confused and scared and all she wanted was to talk to her friend. She was boiling with embarrassment and didn’t care what came out. “I don’t want your mother!” she yelled.
She couldn’t tell if Ali was surprised by her or not, but he remained still. “Please Ali?” She couldn’t look at him anymore. After an awkward pause she turned and ran down the stairs.
“Rachel.” Rachel stopped, but didn’t turn around. She was too humiliated.
“Come.”
She turned around and could see that Ali had stepped aside to allow her to enter the house. She looked around the street, slowly climbed the stairs and walked through the doorway.
Ali stepped away from the open door. “No more outbursts. If you wake the kids I’m throwing you out.” His face had softened and it made Rachel feel a little better.
“I’m sorry. Thanks so much.” Rachel took a seat in the booth. Ali poured her a glass of water, pulled out a stool and sat across the kitchen waiting for her to speak.
Rachel sipped the water and thought about what she wanted to say. It was so much she didn’t know where to start. “I’ve been thinking about my father a lot lately. I think all these years I just tried to block it out, but now I can’t. It hurts so much I just don’t know what to do.”
Ali listened without saying a word.
“It seems like no matter what I do. I can’t get it right. Even when I try, just one little mistake and it seems like I’m set back in a huge way. I just don’t know how to get control of my life.”
“What do you want?” Ali asked her.
“I don’t know.”
“That’s the first problem. So how will you get it?”
Rachel thought about the question. “I guess I just want to be happy. I just want to feel normal. I want to feel something other than this pain.”
Ali rubbed the back of his neck. “Rachel, I don’t know if I’m the best person to counsel you.”
“I don’t want a counsellor. I just want a friend. Remember that? We were friends once, Ali.”
“I understand your feelings of loss,” Ali said, ignoring her last statement. Rachel knew that was true. Ali never spoke about all that he had lost in Rwanda, but she knew most of his family members had been killed.
Ali continued. “Death is just a doorway in our life. We all have to cross it at some point. There are no guarantees as to how long we’re going to spend on this side.” Ali paused then continued. “It hurts us when we lose people we love, but the relationship doesn’t end. It just changes.”
They’ve done what they came to do. We have to fulfill our own purpose. We do the best with the time we have. In the end we have to answer for our life, no one else’s.”
Rachel tried to process what Ali had said to her. “What if I feel confused? What if I don’t really know what to do? Where do I start?”
“Focus forward. Give value to the world. Put your energy into something positive. Start there.”
Rachel didn’t know what she was really doing here; in Fatima’s kitchen. Why had she really come? Ali couldn’t help her if she didn’t tell him everything. She knew she wasn’t going to tell him about Jamie. She was terrified about what could happen if Ali knew what Jamie was up to.
“Easy for you to say, you’re happily married.” Rachel took another drink of her water.
“You could be, too.”
Rachel stopped with her glass in mid air. She had never really thought it was possible for her to be happily married and she had never realized that she thought that way until now.
Ali continued, “I know your father is gone and you miss him, but he’s not the only man that can love you.”
Rachel was speechless.
“Love didn’t die with him. It’s all around you. Start with those closest to you; your mother, your sons. If you don’t learn to love them properly how can you love anyone else?”
“I do love them.” Rachel was insulted at the suggestion that she didn’t love her family.
“Really? How do you show it?” Ali shook his head. “Rachel, if this is how you love people, who would want to be next in line?”
Ali’s words were stinging. She had come for honesty and she knew he would give it to her. Rachel looked at the kitchen clock. It was ten to ten. Fatima’s class finished at ten. She had one more question to ask and this may be the only chance she would have. She only hesitated for a second. She had to know.
“Why did you choose her?” Rachel’s voice was barely audible. Indeed she couldn’t believe she had really gotten the words out, but she had to know.
“What did you say?” Ali wasn’t sure he had heard correctly.
“What is it that made you marry Fatima?” She kept her eyes on her glass. Part of her wished she could crawl into the glass and drown, but she was relieved that she had finally gotten the question out.
“Are you serious?” Ali folded his arms across his chest.
Rachel glanced at the clock. “Yes. I am.”
Ali lifted his chin speaking slowly. “She’s smart. Beautiful. Funny. Kind and honest. She is the best listener and she understands life the way I do.” He paused. “Enough?”
“So which of those do I lack?” Rachel wanted to strangle herself, but she couldn’t stop now.
Ali closed his eyes. “Rachel, come on.”
“Ali, please. Who else can I ask these things? You are my friend, my best friend in the whole world. Please just tell me.” She couldn’t believe that she had come this far, but she wasn’t going to turn back.
Ali rested his elbows on his knees. With his hands clasped together he rubbed his forehead against his knuckles as he thought about how he should answer her. “None.”
“What?” It was almost a whisper.
He raised his head. “None of them. You don’t lack any of them.”
“Then why did you choose her?” Rachel tried to keep her voice from cracking.
Ali thought about the impact his words would have, then very carefully he said, “Until you value yourself no one else is going to.”
“Oh. Wow. You really take honesty to another level don’t you?” Rachel covered her face with both her hands. She didn’t know whether to feel happy, insulted, relieved or grateful that he had told her the truth.
Ali smiled. “That’s what friends are for.” He stood up and moved toward the door. Just then there was a soft knock. It was Sister Charles. “Oh you must be Ali; I met your wife at Naomi’s.” She held up a pie. “I believe this is your favourite? I promised Fatima I would bring one by when I was in the neighbourhood. I saw the lights so I just thought I would try. Otherwise I would have left it with Naomi.”
Ali took the still warm strawberry-rhubarb pie from Sister Charles. “Thank-you. Fatima’s not home yet. I’ll be sure to let her know that you stopped by.”
Sister Charles looked behind Ali to see Rachel sitting at the table. “Oh my, Rachel, how are you? You’re so quiet sitting there.”
“Good evening Sister Charles.”
“Is it still evening?” Sister Charles looked at her watch. “Oh my, it’s after ten. Time flies.” She peered over her glasses into the kitchen. “Well kids, good night.” She threw another glance at Rachel and then quietly left.
“Great. She’s going to tell my mom that I was here.” Rachel started to feel embarrassed all over again.
“That’s the least of your worries.” Ali said as he placed the pie on the table and headed towards the stairs.
“Funny. Aren’t you going to offer me a piece?” Rachel asked
“Help yourself. I’m going to check the girls.” Before he reached the top of the stairs Batool was there. “Daddy I’m hungry.”
“Do you want some pie?” Ali moved up the stairs towards her as her eyes lit up. “Auntie Rachel is in the kitchen. She’ll help you.” Ali told her.
“Where’s Mommy?” Batool rubbed her face.
“She’s not home yet. Go on.” He continued past her to the bedroom to check on Masuma and Laila.
Rachel and Batool enjoyed Sister Charles’ pie and Rachel got ready to leave. She kissed Batool good night. “Go up to bed and tell Daddy I left.” Rachel stepped outside, closed the door behind her and walked across the street to her house. Just as she was opening her front door she saw Fatima’s car turn into the driveway.
Fatima had not told her but she knew that Ali had been away on Friday night. She did not believe that the law suit had any validity to it. Still something was going on. Something was not making sense. She felt like she had to help them. But how? There had to be way. Fatima was about to deliver a baby and she didn’t need this stress right now.
She thought about the wedding invitation. It would be great to hang out with both Ali and Fatima again. It rarely happened these days. Maybe she should let them take the boys. They so loved being with Ali.
She really needed to think about pressing charges against Jamie. She knew his aggressive behaviour could escalate. Her greatest fear was that he may attack her or harm her in front of the boys. How would they ever heal from that? She couldn’t bear it if her sons witnessed any harm coming to her or violence and aggression from their own father. She was sure that would be the final straw. She would snap. Did she want to wait until that point?
Naomi had been pressuring her to press charges against Jamie for some time. Rachel wasn’t sure why she hadn’t done it. He was her sons’ father. She did not want to be the one to bring him before the law. She knew it would not be her fault, but still she couldn’t bring herself to initiate the process.
“Hi, Rachel.”
“Hey, good morning Jasmine.” Jasmine was one of the women who worked in the office and was five months pregnant. Rachel couldn’t stand the sight of her. She was always bringing in baby books and showing everyone what she had most recently bought for her baby. Rachel could not even walk in the direction of Jasmine’s desk.
In less than five months she would have had her own baby. It seemed so unreal. Strangely enough the first pregnancy was far more vivid and real to her. That child would have been older than Joshua and Masuma. She wondered about that child a lot. Who it would have been and what would have happened to her life if she had had that child, or even if she had healed properly after that loss.
“Rachel. Rachel?”
“Oh yes, sorry about that. You were saying?” Jasmine was motioning to the phone.
“Line three,” she said. Rachel handled the call and returned to her work.
Thoughts of Jamie kept creeping into her mind. What was he up to? Why was he bothering her so much lately? Rachel worried about what would happen if Ali knew he was coming by, or if the two of them got into a confrontation.
There was something Jamie had said that night that really bothered her. “This show is going to get good.” The whole visit was odd. It was really eating her. Rachel definitely knew there was more going on than what appeared on the surface. She had to do some investigation. She picked up the phone.
The morning flew by and too soon it was lunch. “Rachel are you coming with us?” One of the workers asked her.
“No, go ahead. I have an appointment. I’ll see you later.” Rachel gathered her belongings straightened her desk and headed downstairs. She was going to get to the bottom of this. The elevator opened and she stepped out. She was searching inside her handbag for her phone and almost ran over the woman standing in front of her.
“Oh, I’m sorry, pardon me.” Rachel looked up and stared into the face of the nurse from the hospital.
“Excuse me, you’re Rachel right?”
Rachel cocked her head, stepped back and rested her weight on one leg. “Who’s asking?”
“It’s ok honey, I just want to talk to you. I’m Brigitte, the nurse from the hospital. Remember me?”
How could she forget? “What do you want with me?”
Brigitte looked around shaking her head of thick curly hair. “Can we sit somewhere? It’s about Jamie.” Her light brown eyes shifted nervously.
Curiosity and anxiety mixed together. “Sure.” Rachel replied. Brigitte followed as Rachel walked outside and found a private place to sit.
Rachel listened in shocked outrage as Brigitte told her story. She couldn’t believe this. She knew Jamie was low, but this. It was too much. Rachel sat in stunned silence. “Why did you come and tell me all this,” she asked Brigitte the nurse.
Brigitte smiled. “I don’t know. I just liked you for some reason. I’ve seen your boys around. They’re beautiful. I just thought that you deserved to know.”
“Thank-you.”
Brigitte got up to leave. “And Rachel,”
“Yes.”
“Jamie knows about the abortion. I’m sorry.”
Time stopped. Rachel did not even see when or how Brigitte left or what direction she went in. She felt dizzy and nauseas and weak all at once. Jamie knows about the abortion. Jamie knows about the abortion. What was she going to do? She wanted to scream, run, hide, anything to get away from this. “He’s going to kill me,” she whispered to herself.
The rest of the day passed by in a blur. For the first time Rachel could remember she did not want the day to end. She did not want to have to leave the office and face the real world and what she was sure would happen next.
Jamie had people following Ali, Brigitte had said. He was trying to find something on him to use to discredit or slander him. That’s why he knew about the paternity suit so quickly. That’s why he was in the neighbourhood so often.
He had been following Rachel too. He was trying to build a case that she was unfit so he could take her sons from her. He wanted to prove that her mother was unstable and her friends and associates were unsavoury. Why? Why? She knew he didn’t want those boys. He just wanted to get back at her for not wanting him. “Oh my God, what am I going to do?”
She got into her car and drove. She had no direction, no purpose. She was almost surprised when she ended up at the cemetery. It took her 20 minutes to get out of the car. She sat clutching the steering wheel fighting the urge to just put the car in drive and burn out of there. She had not been here since the day her father had died. No one had.
Her brother and sister had moved away and her mom hadn’t been able to bear it. Rachel closed the car door and slowly walked toward the plot. She wondered if she would remember where he was. She did. It was like a force pulling her and as she walked her pace quickened.
She found him just where she remembered. The day was so clear in her mind now. The rain. The people. Her refusal to leave. Fatima and Mama and Papa staying with her for hours while she cried and prayed. Now she was back. He had a head stoned now. She had never seen it. ‘Dearly Missed’ it read.
“Oh Daddy you will never know, how much.” Rachel moved closer. “Daddy, I’m here. I am so sorry I left you. I am so sorry I couldn’t come back.” Rachel started to sniffle. She had left her bag in the car so she had nothing to wipe her face. She sat on the grass beside the grave and noticed for the first time flowers on the two sides of his headstone.
She looked around at the other plots. Some had flowers and decorations, others didn’t. Obviously loved ones had left them, but none of them had come back there to visit her father. Who would have left these? Two beautiful bouquets of spring flowers framed the grave. Rachel smelled them and immediately her spirits were lifted. Her father would have loved them. He always loved Naomi’s garden. Rachel remembered that. He preferred to plant vegetables himself, but he did admire Naomi’s devotion to her plants. Rachel guessed that the flowers had been there for at least a week. Still they were holding up pretty well.
Rachel thought about the flowers and how everything in creation had a life span. Everything living eventually would die. Flowers. Plants. Animals. People. That was what they called the circle of life. Then why was it so hard to accept. Why couldn’t we just move on? If death was a part of life then why was it so unbearable?
“Daddy, I’m hear. It’s Rachel. I miss you so much. I love you so much. I can’t imagine you under the ground so far away from me. I can’t stand it that I can’t see you or touch you or hear your voice. I remember all the care you gave me when I was little. You worked so hard to take care of us.”
Rachel remembered the times he went to work with only bread and butter for lunch. Or opened his wallet to give her or her older siblings his last dollars for some school event or something else they needed.
“You sacrificed so much to give us everything you could. You encouraged me when I was down. You held me when I was sad. You stayed up at night with me when I was sick.”
Rachel moved closer and closer until her face was next to the headstone. “Then in your last moments you were alone. I wasn’t there to take care of you. You gave me so much and I gave you nothing. I did nothing for you. I did nothing for you.”
Rachel broke down crying. She placed her hands in the dirt in an effort to get closer to her father. She wanted to hold him so desperately. She needed him so much. She told him everything that had happened to her since her tenth birthday. She told him about Jamie and the babies. All of them. She told him about Fatima and Ali and about how scared she was about her future.
“Daddy just tell me what to do. Please, Daddy just tell me what to do. I am so scared. I need you so much. I’ll do whatever you say please, please help me Daddy.” Rachel sobbed until her chest hurt. She forced herself to catch her breath. As she continued to stroke the dirt around the plot she felt the first drops of rain. The soft rain turned to heavy rain and Rachel stayed. She sat and talked to her father until it got dark and then she went home.
When she pulled into her driveway she remembered. “The daycare. Oh no.” She shut off the engine and ran into the house. Joshua and Jonah were inside the house eating cookies and playing board games. When Rachel entered they jumped up and ran to hug her.
“Mommy you’re dirty,” Joshua said.
“It was raining.” She pushed the boys back and called for Naomi. “Mom! Mom!” Naomi came out of the bedroom. “How did the boys get home?” Rachel asked her mother.
“When you didn’t get them the daycare called. I called Fatima and she sent Ali to pick them up.”
Rachel stood in the same spot, unable to move towards her mother. “I’m sorry. I just got caught up and I didn’t notice the time. I forgot to turn my phone back on. I’m sorry.”
“Are you ok? What happened?” Naomi’s voice was full of concern and sadness.
“Nothing, I just had to do something that’s all. Did they have dinner?”
“Yes, I cooked. They’ve had everything. You just need to put them to bed.”
Rachel clapped her hands. “Let’s go guys, bedtime.” Rachel needed to talk to someone and she didn’t have that much time. She quickly put the boys to bed and turned into her room. She had been in such a hurry to send them off that she had not even changed out of her wet clothes.
Now she peeled off her clothes, showered and got dressed in clean clothes. She put on a pair of khaki cargo pants and a red stretch knit top. She had no time to dry her hair. She combed it back and secured it with a headband. There was so much she needed to say and this might be her only chance to do it. It was Monday and Fatima had a night class. She wouldn’t be back for maybe another hour.
“What should I do?” Rachel sat in her chair and rocked herself as she thought. She looked at the clock and it was already past nine. Fatima’s kids would be in bed by now. Rachel started to pace the room. Back and forth. Back and forth. Then she decided.
“Ok, Ok. I’m going.” She closed her bedroom door behind her and called to her mother. “Ma, I’m going out for a minute.” Then she left quickly before Naomi could ask her any questions.
She crossed the street to Fatima’s house. When she stood in front of the door, took a deep breath and rang the door bell. “Oh, shoot. I’m going to wake the kids.” When Ali opened the door she almost forgot why she had come.
“Sorry about the door bell. I know the kids are probably sleeping.” She tried to keep her hands from moving too much while she looked up at him.
“It’s fine. Don’t worry.” Ali waited for Rachel to say something else. When she didn’t he said, “Fatima’s not home.”
Rachel shifted. She knew she must look a mess. Her face was still swollen from crying and her eyes were red. “Yah, she’s at her class right?”
“Mmm, hmm.” Ali nodded slowly.
“Well, I just really needed to talk.” Ali didn’t move from the doorway and he wasn’t encouraging her conversation either. She was starting to feel very awkward. “Where you busy?”
Ali couldn’t help but laugh. “What’s going on Rachel?”
“I just needed to talk. Could I come in?” After she said it her face started to burn with embarrassment. She had never been in Fatima’s house in her absence. What would Ali, think?
Ali narrowed his eyes. “What happened?”
“I can’t talk like this.” She shifted her weight from one leg to the other.
Ali lowered his head slightly. “Where is your mom?”
“She’s home. I can’t talk to her about this stuff.”
Ali looked over Rachel’s head. “Let me see if my mom is home.”
Rachel couldn’t take anymore. She knew she was making a fool of herself. She was standing in front of this man’s door, begging him to let her in and he wasn’t budging. She was distressed, confused and scared and all she wanted was to talk to her friend. She was boiling with embarrassment and didn’t care what came out. “I don’t want your mother!” she yelled.
She couldn’t tell if Ali was surprised by her or not, but he remained still. “Please Ali?” She couldn’t look at him anymore. After an awkward pause she turned and ran down the stairs.
“Rachel.” Rachel stopped, but didn’t turn around. She was too humiliated.
“Come.”
She turned around and could see that Ali had stepped aside to allow her to enter the house. She looked around the street, slowly climbed the stairs and walked through the doorway.
Ali stepped away from the open door. “No more outbursts. If you wake the kids I’m throwing you out.” His face had softened and it made Rachel feel a little better.
“I’m sorry. Thanks so much.” Rachel took a seat in the booth. Ali poured her a glass of water, pulled out a stool and sat across the kitchen waiting for her to speak.
Rachel sipped the water and thought about what she wanted to say. It was so much she didn’t know where to start. “I’ve been thinking about my father a lot lately. I think all these years I just tried to block it out, but now I can’t. It hurts so much I just don’t know what to do.”
Ali listened without saying a word.
“It seems like no matter what I do. I can’t get it right. Even when I try, just one little mistake and it seems like I’m set back in a huge way. I just don’t know how to get control of my life.”
“What do you want?” Ali asked her.
“I don’t know.”
“That’s the first problem. So how will you get it?”
Rachel thought about the question. “I guess I just want to be happy. I just want to feel normal. I want to feel something other than this pain.”
Ali rubbed the back of his neck. “Rachel, I don’t know if I’m the best person to counsel you.”
“I don’t want a counsellor. I just want a friend. Remember that? We were friends once, Ali.”
“I understand your feelings of loss,” Ali said, ignoring her last statement. Rachel knew that was true. Ali never spoke about all that he had lost in Rwanda, but she knew most of his family members had been killed.
Ali continued. “Death is just a doorway in our life. We all have to cross it at some point. There are no guarantees as to how long we’re going to spend on this side.” Ali paused then continued. “It hurts us when we lose people we love, but the relationship doesn’t end. It just changes.”
They’ve done what they came to do. We have to fulfill our own purpose. We do the best with the time we have. In the end we have to answer for our life, no one else’s.”
Rachel tried to process what Ali had said to her. “What if I feel confused? What if I don’t really know what to do? Where do I start?”
“Focus forward. Give value to the world. Put your energy into something positive. Start there.”
Rachel didn’t know what she was really doing here; in Fatima’s kitchen. Why had she really come? Ali couldn’t help her if she didn’t tell him everything. She knew she wasn’t going to tell him about Jamie. She was terrified about what could happen if Ali knew what Jamie was up to.
“Easy for you to say, you’re happily married.” Rachel took another drink of her water.
“You could be, too.”
Rachel stopped with her glass in mid air. She had never really thought it was possible for her to be happily married and she had never realized that she thought that way until now.
Ali continued, “I know your father is gone and you miss him, but he’s not the only man that can love you.”
Rachel was speechless.
“Love didn’t die with him. It’s all around you. Start with those closest to you; your mother, your sons. If you don’t learn to love them properly how can you love anyone else?”
“I do love them.” Rachel was insulted at the suggestion that she didn’t love her family.
“Really? How do you show it?” Ali shook his head. “Rachel, if this is how you love people, who would want to be next in line?”
Ali’s words were stinging. She had come for honesty and she knew he would give it to her. Rachel looked at the kitchen clock. It was ten to ten. Fatima’s class finished at ten. She had one more question to ask and this may be the only chance she would have. She only hesitated for a second. She had to know.
“Why did you choose her?” Rachel’s voice was barely audible. Indeed she couldn’t believe she had really gotten the words out, but she had to know.
“What did you say?” Ali wasn’t sure he had heard correctly.
“What is it that made you marry Fatima?” She kept her eyes on her glass. Part of her wished she could crawl into the glass and drown, but she was relieved that she had finally gotten the question out.
“Are you serious?” Ali folded his arms across his chest.
Rachel glanced at the clock. “Yes. I am.”
Ali lifted his chin speaking slowly. “She’s smart. Beautiful. Funny. Kind and honest. She is the best listener and she understands life the way I do.” He paused. “Enough?”
“So which of those do I lack?” Rachel wanted to strangle herself, but she couldn’t stop now.
Ali closed his eyes. “Rachel, come on.”
“Ali, please. Who else can I ask these things? You are my friend, my best friend in the whole world. Please just tell me.” She couldn’t believe that she had come this far, but she wasn’t going to turn back.
Ali rested his elbows on his knees. With his hands clasped together he rubbed his forehead against his knuckles as he thought about how he should answer her. “None.”
“What?” It was almost a whisper.
He raised his head. “None of them. You don’t lack any of them.”
“Then why did you choose her?” Rachel tried to keep her voice from cracking.
Ali thought about the impact his words would have, then very carefully he said, “Until you value yourself no one else is going to.”
“Oh. Wow. You really take honesty to another level don’t you?” Rachel covered her face with both her hands. She didn’t know whether to feel happy, insulted, relieved or grateful that he had told her the truth.
Ali smiled. “That’s what friends are for.” He stood up and moved toward the door. Just then there was a soft knock. It was Sister Charles. “Oh you must be Ali; I met your wife at Naomi’s.” She held up a pie. “I believe this is your favourite? I promised Fatima I would bring one by when I was in the neighbourhood. I saw the lights so I just thought I would try. Otherwise I would have left it with Naomi.”
Ali took the still warm strawberry-rhubarb pie from Sister Charles. “Thank-you. Fatima’s not home yet. I’ll be sure to let her know that you stopped by.”
Sister Charles looked behind Ali to see Rachel sitting at the table. “Oh my, Rachel, how are you? You’re so quiet sitting there.”
“Good evening Sister Charles.”
“Is it still evening?” Sister Charles looked at her watch. “Oh my, it’s after ten. Time flies.” She peered over her glasses into the kitchen. “Well kids, good night.” She threw another glance at Rachel and then quietly left.
“Great. She’s going to tell my mom that I was here.” Rachel started to feel embarrassed all over again.
“That’s the least of your worries.” Ali said as he placed the pie on the table and headed towards the stairs.
“Funny. Aren’t you going to offer me a piece?” Rachel asked
“Help yourself. I’m going to check the girls.” Before he reached the top of the stairs Batool was there. “Daddy I’m hungry.”
“Do you want some pie?” Ali moved up the stairs towards her as her eyes lit up. “Auntie Rachel is in the kitchen. She’ll help you.” Ali told her.
“Where’s Mommy?” Batool rubbed her face.
“She’s not home yet. Go on.” He continued past her to the bedroom to check on Masuma and Laila.
Rachel and Batool enjoyed Sister Charles’ pie and Rachel got ready to leave. She kissed Batool good night. “Go up to bed and tell Daddy I left.” Rachel stepped outside, closed the door behind her and walked across the street to her house. Just as she was opening her front door she saw Fatima’s car turn into the driveway.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
CHAPTER ELEVEN
~~~to view the previous chapters please see my very first posts~~~
“No way. Absolutely not. Impossible.” Ali flipped a pancake on the grill. He had finished his workout, had a shower and come to make breakfast. Fatima, Masuma, Laila and Batool were all waiting patiently for him to finish so they could eat.
“Why not?” Fatima sat on one side of the booth while the three girls faced her across the table. They were drinking orange juice, and quietly colouring pictures while they waited for their food.
Ali kept his focus on the grill. “I am not going to let you drive with Rachel more than an hour out of town to spend days alone in a deserted area in an unfinished house where the closest neighbour, let alone any kind or convenience is a mile away. Did I forget to mention that you are due next week; which means now? God knows where the hospital is. And what about the lake? There’s been a lot of rain recently. What if there’s flooding or some other problem? And no phone service yet? There’s no way you’re going.” Ali put a plate of pancakes on the table. Batool was the first to dive in.
“Thank-you Daddy.”
“You’re welcome sweetheart. Eat up.”
Fatima smiled. “That’s like telling rain to be wet.” Ali smiled and smoothed Batool’s hair.
Fatima continued her protest. “Anyway, we won’t be alone. The work men are still there.” She forked a pancake and placed it on her plate.
“Hmm. And I’m going to send you for one minute to stay with a group of strange men?” Ali shook his head incredulously.
“They’re not strange men. Hamza is in charge and will be there the entire time.” Hamza was a close family friend and in charge of construction and development of the property. Fatima took the first bite of her pancake.
“Fatima, he’s not responsible for you. I am. Anyway, he would think, no he would know, I’m crazy to let you go up there.”
Masuma and Laila started a competition to see who could put the most syrup on their plates. Batool just focussed on finishing her food so she could have more.
Ali took the syrup from the girls and started to pour for Fatima.
“No thanks. I’ll just have some fruit.” Fatima put her hand up.
“Counting calories?” Ali raised an eyebrow. Both he and Fatima were health conscious. It was one of the many things that they had in common. Fatima wanted to make sure they were healthy, fit and together for a long time.
“Why not?” Fatima lifted her head and smiled.
“You only have a few more days left. Live a little.” Ali said as he passed her a bowl of mixed berries.
Fatima couldn’t let this opportunity to get a punch in pass her by. “I am trying to but my over-protective husband is cramping my style.”
Ali took his seat in the bench across from her. “Fatima if you need time to yourself, I understand and support that 100%. I can’t let you go to the house. There are so many hotels around town that have spas. Why not do that? You can even go downtown if you want.” He put another pancake on Batool’s plate. “Why don’t you check it out and pick whatever you want. I’ll go for that. You’ll be close to the family, your doctor and the hospital.” Ali nodded. “I’m comfortable with that.”
“Nothing can compare to being in nature.” Fatima pushed the point.
“True.” Ali looked at Fatima. She was pretending to be stubborn but he knew she wouldn’t go if he didn’t agree. For that reason he really wanted to find a compromise that would suit her. “How about this, after the baby is born and you two get the ‘all clear’, we can go up there and you can relax, in nature, for as long as you want?”
“We?” Fatima wore a playfully surprised look.
“It’s a big house, you won’t even see me if you don’t want to.” He downed his orange juice.
“Going with a new baby is not the same as going by myself,” Fatima pointed out.
Ali shrugged. “True.”
Fatima finally gave in. “Ok, I won’t go. And I’ll think about the spa.”
Ali smiled and quietly finished his breakfast.
As he started to clear the plates he said, “Listen, Shawn is going to be here soon. We should get the kids ready.”
Fatima’s mood immediately changed. “Ok, I’ll go get them dressed. Your mom should be here in about 30 minutes.” The girls had swimming lessons and were then going to visit another family with their grandmother. That would allow Ali and Fatima to have some uninterrupted time to speak to Shawn about the paternity suit.
“Mommy, when can I be on Auntie Rachel’s swim team?” Masuma asked.
“You need to be nine and a very good swimmer. So you better go and get ready for your lessons.” Fatima cupped Masuma’s chin in her hand.
Fatima helped the girls dress while Ali cleaned the kitchen. When Mama arrived they happily ran outside, fully excited about the day ahead of them. After they had left Ali turned to Fatima. “Are you ok?” he asked.
Fatima stood in front of him. “Sure.”
“Shawn will be here soon. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”
“Are you kidding me right now? I can’t function if I don’t know what’s going on.” Fatima put her hands on her hips. She wore blue and white waffle-knit hooded maternity top and matching pants.
“I just don’t want you to be stressed out about this. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to stay. Just let me handle it,” Ali said.
“Ali, I am not going to be in the dark about this. I’ll go crazy if I don’t know what’s going on. Come on.” Her eyes were intense as she looked up at him.
Ali reluctantly agreed. “Ok, fine.”
When Shawn rang the door bell Ali was right there to open it.
“Hey, big guy.” Shawn Thomson was a high school friend. He and Ali had forged a friendship that had last over 12 years. Ali trusted him completely.
“Thanks for coming by so quickly Shawn.” Ali closed the door behind his friend and led him into the foyer.
“No problem. No problem. I understand the urgency. This definitely needs our immediate attention.” Shawn stepped forward and stopped when he saw Fatima standing in the hallway. “What’s up, Mommy?” Shawn also knew Fatima well and had great affection for her.
“Hey, Shawn. How are you?”
“Good, good. You look like you need to take a seat,” he joked with her.
“Funny, you are. I’ve been waiting for you.” Fatima turned and walked towards the family room.
Shawn turned back to Ali and lowered his voice. “You sure you want to do this here?”
“Yes, definitely. Fatima insisted. Come on lets go sit down.” They walked to the family room at the rear of the house.
The room was painted a soft green and decorated in green and cream. Fatima had already taken a seat in the corner of the cream coloured leather couch at the far end of the room when the two men arrived. Shawn sat in the couch closest to the door. He removed his suit jacket and put it over the arm of the chair. Ali pulled up a chair facing Shawn. A coral stone coffee table separated them. “So what do you have?” Ali asked.
“Alright, so I contacted the office today and received some information.” Shawn looked across the room at Fatima.
Ali encouraged him to continue. “Please Shawn, go ahead. It’s ok.”
Shawn opened his bag. “The woman in question, Leanne Roy, claims she met you about 18 months ago in Toronto. She says she saw you for about six months. She has documented all the dates. Shawn pulled out a sheet of paper. Ali took the paper from Shawn’s hand.
“Does anything look familiar?” Shawn asked him.
“These look like dates that I would have been away, but I would have to double check to be sure.” Ali returned the paper to the table keeping his eyes straight ahead.
Fatima sat silently with her two hands rolled together into a ball. She leaned with one elbow on the arm of the chair and pressed her doubled fist to her mouth.
“Ok guy, talk to me.” Shawn sat back and waited.
“I don’t know anything,” Ali replied while shrugging his shoulders.
Shawn shook his head. “Listen, you have to give me more than that. I need something to work with here.”
“I don’t have anything. I don’t know this woman, never even heard her name.”
“Ok, well there’s more.” Shawn reached into his bag again. “Pictures.”
Shawn placed pictures on the coffee table. Ali picked them up and flipped through. “Ok, a pretty good Photoshop job.”
“Is that you?” Shawn pointed to the man in the pictures posing beside the woman filing the lawsuit.
“Of course it’s me, but I never posed with her.” Shawn looked from Ali to Fatima.
“Maybe it was a fan who wanted a picture with you?” Shawn suggested.
“No. I would never have put my arm around them.” Ali rubbed his hand across the back of his neck.
Fatima opened her hands and rubbed her arms.
Shawn reached into his bag again. “Receipts.”
Ali picked up the receipts that were placed on the table.
“Is that your signature?” Shawn continued.
Ali studied the receipts in his hand. “Looks like it.” Shawn tightened his lips. “Come on Shawn, I’m in hotels all the time. Anybody could have found these, or forged my signature on a new receipt.”
“Were you in those hotels on those dates?” Shawn pressed.
“It’s possible. I would have to check.” Ali pressed his fingers against his forehead.
“Email transcripts.” More documents hit the coffee table.
Ali carefully examined the transcripts. “Ok, so I was hacked.” He responded matter-of-factly.
Shawn laughed. “Listen, you know I’m going to do everything you need me to, but I think the best thing for all concerned is to come to some kind of agreement soon. Otherwise this could get very messy pretty fast.”
“Agreement? There’ll be no agreement. They’re liars. A DNA test is going to prove that.” Ali’s eyes were hard and his voice became harsh.
“Yes,” Shawn continued slowly, “we are definitely going to do that.” He glanced at Fatima again, “but the longer this drags on the more publicity it’s going to get, and Ali, you have a family.”
“I know that.” Ali looked at the email transcripts again. “Ok, so what’s the deal?”
“No matter what the DNA results are, every day that this keeps active, it damages you. All people are going to remember is that your name was associated with a paternity suit.” Shawn leaned back in his seat. “It doesn’t look good.”
Shawn folded his arms. “And you know what they say. Where there is smoke there’s fire. People will think that even if this is not your child maybe you did have a relationship with this woman or some other women. Trust me; you don’t want your family to go through this. We can arrange a meeting and squash this whole thing now.”
Ali stood up and walked toward the back window. He looked outside for a few moments. Shawn and Fatima waited for him to be ready. Ali then turned around to face Shawn. “I am not meeting with these people. We are going to prove that they are lying and clear my name. Are you with me or not?” Ali’s voice was starting to develop an edge.
“Of course, I am. Of course. Ok. Let me get back to the office. I have a lot of work to do on this. I’ll check in with you later today.” Shawn rose to his feet.
“Sounds good.” Ali stepped forward.
Fatima remained seated while the two men walked to the door.
Shawn stopped in the hallway and turned to Ali. “Man, I’m sorry Fatima had to hear all that.”
“It’s fine, she wanted to be there. We’ll deal with it.” Ali pushed his hands into the pockets of his track pants.
“Ali listen, we need to get a private investigator on this.” Shawn positioned himself closely to Ali and lowered his voice.
“What do you mean? Why?” Ali questioned.
“If this woman went through all this trouble, she is not simply mistaken about who her child’s father is; and she is not just trying to drag you through the mud. She is set on proving that you are the father of her child. I have a gut feeling there is more going on here than we can see right now. I’m going to research DNA labs. We need to make sure the one we use is tight. We don’t want any mishaps.”
“Is that possible?” Ali was starting to feel a growing sense of apprehension. The feeling was new to him and he definitely did not like it.
Shawn rolled a fist and gently tapped Ali on his chest. “Anything is possible, my friend.”
Ali let Shawn out and turned to see Fatima at the end of the hallway. The sun shone through the back doors and framed her as she stood in the door way of the family room. She had one arm folded across her middle and the opposite hand covering her mouth. “Fatima,” Ali stepped towards her. She held up her hand.
“I’m ok. Really I am.” She tried to smile but her eyes couldn’t lie.
“Fatima, I know it looks bad and I have nothing to offer you except what we’ve built our life on; not just in the years since our marriage, but all the years that you’ve known me. You know who I am.”
Ali continued slowly towards her. She kept her hand steady and closed her eyes. “No. Ali, please don’t.” When she opened them again he was standing directly in front of her. “What do you want me to say? ‘I trust you? I believe in you? I’ll stand by you no matter what?”
Ali pulled his head back and furrowed his brow. “No. I don’t need any of that.” He placed one hand on the wall above her head. “I just need you to be ok.”
Fatima had to swallow her emotion. He always knew just how to get to her. “Everything is going to be fine. I know that.” She cleared her throat. “Now, if you will excuse me.” She slipped past Ali and disappeared up the stairs.
When he heard her bedroom door close Ali turned into the workout room and attacked the punching bag with a ferocity he had not felt in years.
“No way. Absolutely not. Impossible.” Ali flipped a pancake on the grill. He had finished his workout, had a shower and come to make breakfast. Fatima, Masuma, Laila and Batool were all waiting patiently for him to finish so they could eat.
“Why not?” Fatima sat on one side of the booth while the three girls faced her across the table. They were drinking orange juice, and quietly colouring pictures while they waited for their food.
Ali kept his focus on the grill. “I am not going to let you drive with Rachel more than an hour out of town to spend days alone in a deserted area in an unfinished house where the closest neighbour, let alone any kind or convenience is a mile away. Did I forget to mention that you are due next week; which means now? God knows where the hospital is. And what about the lake? There’s been a lot of rain recently. What if there’s flooding or some other problem? And no phone service yet? There’s no way you’re going.” Ali put a plate of pancakes on the table. Batool was the first to dive in.
“Thank-you Daddy.”
“You’re welcome sweetheart. Eat up.”
Fatima smiled. “That’s like telling rain to be wet.” Ali smiled and smoothed Batool’s hair.
Fatima continued her protest. “Anyway, we won’t be alone. The work men are still there.” She forked a pancake and placed it on her plate.
“Hmm. And I’m going to send you for one minute to stay with a group of strange men?” Ali shook his head incredulously.
“They’re not strange men. Hamza is in charge and will be there the entire time.” Hamza was a close family friend and in charge of construction and development of the property. Fatima took the first bite of her pancake.
“Fatima, he’s not responsible for you. I am. Anyway, he would think, no he would know, I’m crazy to let you go up there.”
Masuma and Laila started a competition to see who could put the most syrup on their plates. Batool just focussed on finishing her food so she could have more.
Ali took the syrup from the girls and started to pour for Fatima.
“No thanks. I’ll just have some fruit.” Fatima put her hand up.
“Counting calories?” Ali raised an eyebrow. Both he and Fatima were health conscious. It was one of the many things that they had in common. Fatima wanted to make sure they were healthy, fit and together for a long time.
“Why not?” Fatima lifted her head and smiled.
“You only have a few more days left. Live a little.” Ali said as he passed her a bowl of mixed berries.
Fatima couldn’t let this opportunity to get a punch in pass her by. “I am trying to but my over-protective husband is cramping my style.”
Ali took his seat in the bench across from her. “Fatima if you need time to yourself, I understand and support that 100%. I can’t let you go to the house. There are so many hotels around town that have spas. Why not do that? You can even go downtown if you want.” He put another pancake on Batool’s plate. “Why don’t you check it out and pick whatever you want. I’ll go for that. You’ll be close to the family, your doctor and the hospital.” Ali nodded. “I’m comfortable with that.”
“Nothing can compare to being in nature.” Fatima pushed the point.
“True.” Ali looked at Fatima. She was pretending to be stubborn but he knew she wouldn’t go if he didn’t agree. For that reason he really wanted to find a compromise that would suit her. “How about this, after the baby is born and you two get the ‘all clear’, we can go up there and you can relax, in nature, for as long as you want?”
“We?” Fatima wore a playfully surprised look.
“It’s a big house, you won’t even see me if you don’t want to.” He downed his orange juice.
“Going with a new baby is not the same as going by myself,” Fatima pointed out.
Ali shrugged. “True.”
Fatima finally gave in. “Ok, I won’t go. And I’ll think about the spa.”
Ali smiled and quietly finished his breakfast.
As he started to clear the plates he said, “Listen, Shawn is going to be here soon. We should get the kids ready.”
Fatima’s mood immediately changed. “Ok, I’ll go get them dressed. Your mom should be here in about 30 minutes.” The girls had swimming lessons and were then going to visit another family with their grandmother. That would allow Ali and Fatima to have some uninterrupted time to speak to Shawn about the paternity suit.
“Mommy, when can I be on Auntie Rachel’s swim team?” Masuma asked.
“You need to be nine and a very good swimmer. So you better go and get ready for your lessons.” Fatima cupped Masuma’s chin in her hand.
Fatima helped the girls dress while Ali cleaned the kitchen. When Mama arrived they happily ran outside, fully excited about the day ahead of them. After they had left Ali turned to Fatima. “Are you ok?” he asked.
Fatima stood in front of him. “Sure.”
“Shawn will be here soon. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”
“Are you kidding me right now? I can’t function if I don’t know what’s going on.” Fatima put her hands on her hips. She wore blue and white waffle-knit hooded maternity top and matching pants.
“I just don’t want you to be stressed out about this. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to stay. Just let me handle it,” Ali said.
“Ali, I am not going to be in the dark about this. I’ll go crazy if I don’t know what’s going on. Come on.” Her eyes were intense as she looked up at him.
Ali reluctantly agreed. “Ok, fine.”
When Shawn rang the door bell Ali was right there to open it.
“Hey, big guy.” Shawn Thomson was a high school friend. He and Ali had forged a friendship that had last over 12 years. Ali trusted him completely.
“Thanks for coming by so quickly Shawn.” Ali closed the door behind his friend and led him into the foyer.
“No problem. No problem. I understand the urgency. This definitely needs our immediate attention.” Shawn stepped forward and stopped when he saw Fatima standing in the hallway. “What’s up, Mommy?” Shawn also knew Fatima well and had great affection for her.
“Hey, Shawn. How are you?”
“Good, good. You look like you need to take a seat,” he joked with her.
“Funny, you are. I’ve been waiting for you.” Fatima turned and walked towards the family room.
Shawn turned back to Ali and lowered his voice. “You sure you want to do this here?”
“Yes, definitely. Fatima insisted. Come on lets go sit down.” They walked to the family room at the rear of the house.
The room was painted a soft green and decorated in green and cream. Fatima had already taken a seat in the corner of the cream coloured leather couch at the far end of the room when the two men arrived. Shawn sat in the couch closest to the door. He removed his suit jacket and put it over the arm of the chair. Ali pulled up a chair facing Shawn. A coral stone coffee table separated them. “So what do you have?” Ali asked.
“Alright, so I contacted the office today and received some information.” Shawn looked across the room at Fatima.
Ali encouraged him to continue. “Please Shawn, go ahead. It’s ok.”
Shawn opened his bag. “The woman in question, Leanne Roy, claims she met you about 18 months ago in Toronto. She says she saw you for about six months. She has documented all the dates. Shawn pulled out a sheet of paper. Ali took the paper from Shawn’s hand.
“Does anything look familiar?” Shawn asked him.
“These look like dates that I would have been away, but I would have to double check to be sure.” Ali returned the paper to the table keeping his eyes straight ahead.
Fatima sat silently with her two hands rolled together into a ball. She leaned with one elbow on the arm of the chair and pressed her doubled fist to her mouth.
“Ok guy, talk to me.” Shawn sat back and waited.
“I don’t know anything,” Ali replied while shrugging his shoulders.
Shawn shook his head. “Listen, you have to give me more than that. I need something to work with here.”
“I don’t have anything. I don’t know this woman, never even heard her name.”
“Ok, well there’s more.” Shawn reached into his bag again. “Pictures.”
Shawn placed pictures on the coffee table. Ali picked them up and flipped through. “Ok, a pretty good Photoshop job.”
“Is that you?” Shawn pointed to the man in the pictures posing beside the woman filing the lawsuit.
“Of course it’s me, but I never posed with her.” Shawn looked from Ali to Fatima.
“Maybe it was a fan who wanted a picture with you?” Shawn suggested.
“No. I would never have put my arm around them.” Ali rubbed his hand across the back of his neck.
Fatima opened her hands and rubbed her arms.
Shawn reached into his bag again. “Receipts.”
Ali picked up the receipts that were placed on the table.
“Is that your signature?” Shawn continued.
Ali studied the receipts in his hand. “Looks like it.” Shawn tightened his lips. “Come on Shawn, I’m in hotels all the time. Anybody could have found these, or forged my signature on a new receipt.”
“Were you in those hotels on those dates?” Shawn pressed.
“It’s possible. I would have to check.” Ali pressed his fingers against his forehead.
“Email transcripts.” More documents hit the coffee table.
Ali carefully examined the transcripts. “Ok, so I was hacked.” He responded matter-of-factly.
Shawn laughed. “Listen, you know I’m going to do everything you need me to, but I think the best thing for all concerned is to come to some kind of agreement soon. Otherwise this could get very messy pretty fast.”
“Agreement? There’ll be no agreement. They’re liars. A DNA test is going to prove that.” Ali’s eyes were hard and his voice became harsh.
“Yes,” Shawn continued slowly, “we are definitely going to do that.” He glanced at Fatima again, “but the longer this drags on the more publicity it’s going to get, and Ali, you have a family.”
“I know that.” Ali looked at the email transcripts again. “Ok, so what’s the deal?”
“No matter what the DNA results are, every day that this keeps active, it damages you. All people are going to remember is that your name was associated with a paternity suit.” Shawn leaned back in his seat. “It doesn’t look good.”
Shawn folded his arms. “And you know what they say. Where there is smoke there’s fire. People will think that even if this is not your child maybe you did have a relationship with this woman or some other women. Trust me; you don’t want your family to go through this. We can arrange a meeting and squash this whole thing now.”
Ali stood up and walked toward the back window. He looked outside for a few moments. Shawn and Fatima waited for him to be ready. Ali then turned around to face Shawn. “I am not meeting with these people. We are going to prove that they are lying and clear my name. Are you with me or not?” Ali’s voice was starting to develop an edge.
“Of course, I am. Of course. Ok. Let me get back to the office. I have a lot of work to do on this. I’ll check in with you later today.” Shawn rose to his feet.
“Sounds good.” Ali stepped forward.
Fatima remained seated while the two men walked to the door.
Shawn stopped in the hallway and turned to Ali. “Man, I’m sorry Fatima had to hear all that.”
“It’s fine, she wanted to be there. We’ll deal with it.” Ali pushed his hands into the pockets of his track pants.
“Ali listen, we need to get a private investigator on this.” Shawn positioned himself closely to Ali and lowered his voice.
“What do you mean? Why?” Ali questioned.
“If this woman went through all this trouble, she is not simply mistaken about who her child’s father is; and she is not just trying to drag you through the mud. She is set on proving that you are the father of her child. I have a gut feeling there is more going on here than we can see right now. I’m going to research DNA labs. We need to make sure the one we use is tight. We don’t want any mishaps.”
“Is that possible?” Ali was starting to feel a growing sense of apprehension. The feeling was new to him and he definitely did not like it.
Shawn rolled a fist and gently tapped Ali on his chest. “Anything is possible, my friend.”
Ali let Shawn out and turned to see Fatima at the end of the hallway. The sun shone through the back doors and framed her as she stood in the door way of the family room. She had one arm folded across her middle and the opposite hand covering her mouth. “Fatima,” Ali stepped towards her. She held up her hand.
“I’m ok. Really I am.” She tried to smile but her eyes couldn’t lie.
“Fatima, I know it looks bad and I have nothing to offer you except what we’ve built our life on; not just in the years since our marriage, but all the years that you’ve known me. You know who I am.”
Ali continued slowly towards her. She kept her hand steady and closed her eyes. “No. Ali, please don’t.” When she opened them again he was standing directly in front of her. “What do you want me to say? ‘I trust you? I believe in you? I’ll stand by you no matter what?”
Ali pulled his head back and furrowed his brow. “No. I don’t need any of that.” He placed one hand on the wall above her head. “I just need you to be ok.”
Fatima had to swallow her emotion. He always knew just how to get to her. “Everything is going to be fine. I know that.” She cleared her throat. “Now, if you will excuse me.” She slipped past Ali and disappeared up the stairs.
When he heard her bedroom door close Ali turned into the workout room and attacked the punching bag with a ferocity he had not felt in years.
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Blue Zones-Dan Buettner
~~~Scroll down to find my novel, We Started Out As Friends~~~
The Blue Zones share lessons from around the world on how to achieve a healthier, happier and longer life. The author examines areas in the world that have a large number of centenarians. He then shares the 9 things they all have in common.
My personal favourite is the notion that most North Americans exercise too hard. (the ones that exercise at all that is) If you want to live longer do something light everyday; walking, gardening, playing with children. The body wasn't made to take 75 to 100 years of pounding and grinding.
Woo hoo! Pick up a copy of The Blue Zones, below.
The Blue Zones share lessons from around the world on how to achieve a healthier, happier and longer life. The author examines areas in the world that have a large number of centenarians. He then shares the 9 things they all have in common.
My personal favourite is the notion that most North Americans exercise too hard. (the ones that exercise at all that is) If you want to live longer do something light everyday; walking, gardening, playing with children. The body wasn't made to take 75 to 100 years of pounding and grinding.
Woo hoo! Pick up a copy of The Blue Zones, below.
Friday, July 16, 2010
In a Heartbeat ~Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy with Sally Jenkins
~~~Scroll down to find my novel We Started Out As Friends~~~
Many of you may be familiar with the movie, The Blind Side, in which Leigh Anne and Sean Tuouy take a homeless youth into their home and family. Through their love and support, Michael Oher ascends to greatness.
The book In a Heartbeat, tells the story of this amazing couple and their unique family. I recently saw the movie and ofcourse, I became curious about the people behind the movie, so I conducted my own research. One interview that touched me was one in which Leigh Anne Tuouy was asked about the enormous gift that they as a family had given to Michael by taking him into their home.
Leigh Anne replied that Michael had given them much more than they had given him and they were so happy to have him in their home from day one because it allowed them the opportunity to give everyday.
Pick up a copy of In a Heartbeat and learn more about this incredible family and their story.
Many of you may be familiar with the movie, The Blind Side, in which Leigh Anne and Sean Tuouy take a homeless youth into their home and family. Through their love and support, Michael Oher ascends to greatness.
The book In a Heartbeat, tells the story of this amazing couple and their unique family. I recently saw the movie and ofcourse, I became curious about the people behind the movie, so I conducted my own research. One interview that touched me was one in which Leigh Anne Tuouy was asked about the enormous gift that they as a family had given to Michael by taking him into their home.
Leigh Anne replied that Michael had given them much more than they had given him and they were so happy to have him in their home from day one because it allowed them the opportunity to give everyday.
Pick up a copy of In a Heartbeat and learn more about this incredible family and their story.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
EAT PRAY LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert
~~~Scroll down to find my novel We Started Out As Friends~~~
I have read 12 chapters of this book, but I have to share what moves me when it moves me. It won't necessarily be at the end of the book.
My cousin gave this to me as a birthday present the year before last, I believe. Though I have picked it up several times, and even read the back cover, I have never been moved to actually start it until now. I can't say why, except as the old people say, "nothing happens before it's time."
I was going out on Saturday and needed something to read on my journey. EAT PRAY LOVE was it.
The thing that has touched me thus far ***warning:SPOILERS*** is the petition that the author wrote to God. She was traveling with her friend and discussing the difficult divorce she was going through. The process was being delayed because her husband would not sign the papers so she expressed the desire to write a petition to God about her plight. Her traveling companion encourages her to do so.
After she has written the petition, which is detailed in the book, her friend declares, "I would sign that." They then go through a list of people who they feel would sign that petition and collect the signatures in spirit. After sometime she falls asleep and when she wakes up her phone is ringing. The lawyer handling the divorce had called to let her know, "Great news. He just signed it!" *** SPOILER ENDED***
By telling the story to my cousin, it encouraged her to write her own petition and of course I will write mine, but I realized that I need to be in a very lonely place when I do this because thinking about all the people that would sign it just breaks me up. I have such wonderful caring people in my life. The experience of reading this much of EAT PRAY LOVE, reminded me of that fact.
So have a look at the book and tell me what you think.
I have read 12 chapters of this book, but I have to share what moves me when it moves me. It won't necessarily be at the end of the book.
My cousin gave this to me as a birthday present the year before last, I believe. Though I have picked it up several times, and even read the back cover, I have never been moved to actually start it until now. I can't say why, except as the old people say, "nothing happens before it's time."
I was going out on Saturday and needed something to read on my journey. EAT PRAY LOVE was it.
The thing that has touched me thus far ***warning:SPOILERS*** is the petition that the author wrote to God. She was traveling with her friend and discussing the difficult divorce she was going through. The process was being delayed because her husband would not sign the papers so she expressed the desire to write a petition to God about her plight. Her traveling companion encourages her to do so.
After she has written the petition, which is detailed in the book, her friend declares, "I would sign that." They then go through a list of people who they feel would sign that petition and collect the signatures in spirit. After sometime she falls asleep and when she wakes up her phone is ringing. The lawyer handling the divorce had called to let her know, "Great news. He just signed it!" *** SPOILER ENDED***
By telling the story to my cousin, it encouraged her to write her own petition and of course I will write mine, but I realized that I need to be in a very lonely place when I do this because thinking about all the people that would sign it just breaks me up. I have such wonderful caring people in my life. The experience of reading this much of EAT PRAY LOVE, reminded me of that fact.
So have a look at the book and tell me what you think.
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