CHAPTER SEVEN

Ali stared at the paper in his hand.
Fatima was speechless. She couldn’t even think of what to say. She just prayed he would have some explanation to make this all go away.
“What is this?” Ali looked up.
“Can’t you see what it is?” Fatima pressed her temples with her finger tips.
“This was in my drawer?” Ali asked.
“This is the letter that came on Friday. The one you took and obviously put in your drawer.” Fatima could not believe he was going to act like he didn’t know what he was looking at.
“I never saw this.” He said shaking his head.
“Ok, so it walked to your drawer.” Fatima’s level of frustration was growing.
“No, I mean I took the mail to our room to read it and then the girls woke up so I just put all the mail in the drawer. I never actually read anything.”
“It’s open Ali.” Fatima linked her fingers behind her head and leaned back into her chair.
“Where is the envelope?” he asked.
Fatima showed him the envelope on her desk. “It’s right here.”
Ali took it from Fatima. “I would open mail like this? Obviously the kids opened it. Fatima, this is the first time I’m seeing this, really.”
“Ok whatever, that’s beside the point.” Fatima fanned her hand in the air. “What’s this about a paternity suit?”
“I have no idea what this is about.” Ali looked at the letter again. “I can’t believe this.”
“That’s not exactly what I need to hear right now.”
“Fatima this is not even possible. This is crazy. You have to know that. It’s obviously a mistake.”
Fatima inhaled and exhaled heavily. She got up and started to pace the floor. She passed the sun shaped mirror on the wall above the fire place. She could see Ali’s reflection in it. He looked distressed as she would expect, but he wasn’t saying anything that was helping her at this moment.
“Fatima, come on sit down. Please don’t be upset by this. You don’t think for one second that this could be true?” Ali asked.
“Oh well I don’t know, lawyers offices don’t usually send out mail notifying law suits that have no validity. This is a reputable law firm. They’re not going to risk their reputation on some nut case. They have to do interviews and see evidence. They need to do some investigation before they take on a case like this. You’re not some Joe Blow. You are a well known athlete; with money. They’re not going to take a chance like this, Ali.”
“I know. I know.” Ali’s voice was almost a whisper.
“So what are you saying?” Fatima asked him. “This is some crazy woman who forgot who her child’s father is and just woke up and decided it should be you?” Fatima was starting to feel light headed.
“Of course not.” His voice was gentle. “Fatima, I hate what this is doing to you. You should calm down. Let me get you some water.”
“Don’t patronize me. I’m fine. I don’t need water. I just need some answers right now.”
“I wish I had answers for you. I don’t understand this at all. I have no clue what’s behind this. I’ll call Shawn in the morning and deal with this.”
Shawn was Ali’s childhood friend. He was a diligent and focussed young lawyer who had quickly worked his way up to one of the top law firms in Toronto. Many firms had been vying for him and he had decided to work for a small but busy firm just outside of the downtown area.
“You will deal with this. Oh so easy.” Fatima sat back in her chair.
“Fatima, I don’t know who this woman is, and even if I did her child can’t be mine.” He pointed towards the door leading to the basement. “I have three children and they’re all downstairs.” Ali stated in a voice so calm Fatima wondered if they were really discussing the same subject.
“Think Ali, think.”
Ali's face dropped. “About what? There is only you. No one else. Not before you and not after you. Fatima, I don’t have to think about that.” Fatima knew she should believe him, but with this letter in front of her how could she?
“Why not call Shawn now?” Fatima looked at Ali hopefully. She needed some answers.
“It’s Sunday and he’s gone to a wedding.” Ali reached out to touch Fatima’s arm in a reassuring gesture. She pulled away.
“He has a cell phone.”
“Fatima, I understand how you feel,” Ali moved closer to her, “but he can’t do anything about it today. Really, I’ll talk to him in the morning.”
“Well, I’m happy you’re taking it so lightly.” Fatima stepped around him and sat on the steps leading to the upper level.
“I’m not taking it lightly. You think I’m taking this lightly? I have a family. My wife is pregnant and we get this.” Ali shook the letter in his hand. “I see this as a threat to my family. Trust me I’m not taking this lightly, but I don’t know anything more than what is on this paper.” He looked at Fatima and added “and that I don’t have any kids except ours.”
“Why do you think someone would do something like this?” Fatima asked.
Ali sat down on the chair that Fatima had left vacant and leaned forward resting his forearms on his knees, “I don’t want to speculate. I don’t know what to think. I’ll speak to Shawn tomorrow and see where we go from here.”
“So you didn’t know about this letter, but the law office just happens to be in Ottawa and that is where you happened to go the other night and couldn’t tell me? Do you think it’s reasonable for me not to draw a connection?”
“My trip had nothing to do with this.”
“Oh that’s wonderful!” Fatima threw her hands up in the air. “More surprises. Do you realize how this is looking to me?”
“Of course I do, but Fatima there is no way this can be true. I have never heard this woman’s name before today. I don’t know her, or any other woman for that matter and I’m going to get to the bottom of it starting tomorrow. I promise you.”
Fatima held her head up. “It’s a boy.”
“What?” Ali jerked his head.
“The child in question is a boy. Look at the letter.” Fatima pointed at the paper in Ali’s hand.
“It has nothing to do with me,” Ali said ignoring the letter and keeping his attention on Fatima.
“Well, apparently it does because the letter is addressed to you,” she snapped.
“It’s not my boy, Fatima.” Ali stood and moved toward her, but Fatima held him at arm’s length. He continued speaking. “Listen I get it ok, it’s disturbing news. It’s enough to jack up anybody, never mind when you’re pregnant.”
Fatima refused to answer him. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted him to say, but she knew what he was offering was not enough.
He sighed and closed his eyes. “I know how hard it is for you to be married to me. I do. I’m on the road constantly while you’re alone at home with the girls. Or you have to rearrange your life to travel with me. I know it’s not easy. It’s hard for me too. Now you’re pregnant. I think about it all the time. Honestly, if I could give you something more, you know I would. This is as shocking to me as it is to you.”
“The name doesn’t ring a bell at all?”
“No Fatima,” he insisted. Ali sat down again and turned his attention back to the letter.
“Swear to me.”
As soon as the words left her mouth she realized the impact that they would have. Swearing was a very serious thing and strongly disapproved of in Islam. In addition to that, the suggestion that she didn’t believe him would be very serious to him. Ali squinted and knit his brow as he absorbed the meaning of her words. “Fatima-” he started.
“Forget it,” Fatima interrupted him, flashing her hand in his direction.
“You know what,” Ali exhaled and rose to his feet. “I’m going to call Shawn. At least I can leave a message.”
“Thank you, Ali.” Fatima finally felt some relief. At least he was taking some action.

Ali disappeared to the upper levels of the house. She knew he was offended at the suggestion that she didn’t believe what he had said. One thing that Ali took very seriously was any suggestion that he may be lying. If he said it was so, he expected you to take him at his word. He always gave people the benefit of the doubt until he knew different. She was sounding like she doubted him and she knew that was a serious thing to him.
What did he expect? There were definitely some missing pieces here. After all, this was all being dumped in her lap. She didn’t go looking for it. She had exams in two weeks and all this was now on her head. She felt her baby moving as her body started to relax and her breathing returned to normal. What affect was all this having on her child? She was seriously stressed out. She knew she should trust him, but she could not get rid of that nagging feeling that something bad, very bad was going to happen.
Really, how could someone think of accusing the wrong person of fathering their child? DNA would prove them to be a liar, so what could be gained by filing a false claim? There was still the matter of Ottawa; if it wasn’t about this case then what was it about? What was so urgent and secret?
True, Ali had never given her any reason to doubt him at all. He was always sincere, almost transparent. That’s why she had married him. She had always felt so secure with him. It was something she had lacked growing up. She remembered her childhood and Ali as a boy. He never lied, even when he knew it meant he would be in trouble.
From their first meeting Fatima had spent most of her free time in the Abati household. She didn’t have any brothers or sisters. Rachel was like a sister to her. Rachel had had an older brother and sister, but they never paid much attention to the two girls. Fatima’s mom Dana was working all the time and her father who had separated from Dana when Fatima was small was not very involved in Fatima’s life.
Fatima was left on her own a lot. The Abati home had had a sense of comfort in it. She had not realized then but the family had been through the worst experience possible yet they were still warm and loving, happy and always giving to others.
When they had moved in they had introduced themselves to all the neighbours and had become the parents of all the neighbourhood children. Their door was usually unlocked during the day; people were always in and out of their home.
Ali had been a quiet child. He was a good student but had put most of his spare time and energy into sports. Fatima later realized that it had been an outlet for him. He held a lot of pain inside and it was a way for him to release it. He had lost his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, neighbours and friends. Fatima shuddered at the thought.
What if her girls had lost Mama and Papa, Rahma, Naomi, Rachel, Joshua and Jonah in one sweep? How would they function? How could they ever be happy again? Could they have any joy in life? How could they ever love or trust again?
Fortunately, Mama and Papa had been strong. They had built a life that was stable and full of love for Ali. Routine was an important part of their life. Mama was a smart woman and she had insisted that it was what he needed to feel secure. He had had all security ripped away from him and she had worked very hard to recreate that feeling in his life. So he had healed.
Or so Fatima had thought, but sometimes she could see the old pain. Sometimes he would sit for long periods of time and just stare. She never asked him what he was thinking about. She was afraid to know. She wanted to be supportive, but she just couldn’t bear to hear about the horrors that she imagined he had been through. She felt guilty about it sometimes, like perhaps she was letting him down by not being there for him completely.
Still he was always pleasant, positive, warm and kind to everyone. He had once told her that focussing on others helped him to feel alive. It blocked the pain and gave him an excuse not to think about himself. He had been a man even then, and was deeply affected by the fact that he could not stop what had happened to his family in Rwanda. He had vowed that he would never allow something like that to happen again.
At school he had not taken many close friends; he was friendly with everyone but when he left school he preferred to be alone. His classmates always wanted to play with him and the boys frequently wanted to fight with him. They loved to test their strength. Ali would usually refuse, but if he had to he could definitely hold his own.
He had focussed much of his energy on martial arts and had become a four time champion in mixed martial arts. One of his favourite past-times was archery and when he was stressed out he usually spent time in that sport. He had introduced Shawn to it as well so he would have someone to compete with when the mood took him, but he usually went alone.
Yes, he had been an all-round athlete and the passion and drive that he put into sports really moved Fatima. In his daily life he was calm, controlled, pensive, but when he was on the court, in the pool or on any kind of field he changed. Another person emerged. He was aggressive and intense. It made Fatima wonder about the emotions that he kept inside.
Well, Fatima thought, it was good that he released his emotions somehow. His parents had tried to get counselling for him, but he had refused to talk to any counsellor, at all. He said he didn’t need it. But he used to talk to Fatima and Rachel, never about the past but about his future, all his plans. He talked about how he was going to take care of his parents and his family when he had one. Fatima had wanted to take care of him even then. He had seemed so sad to her. Taking care of his family had been so important to him. He wanted to make up for what he had lost.
He had been serious and disciplined from that time. His parents had given him a lot of freedom because they trusted him. Indeed he was always where he said he was going to be and doing what he said he was going to be doing. He was never one to hang out. He took care of his business and went home. If his parents had said no to him concerning something he wanted, he accepted it. During his teenage years when most kids were going through internal and external turmoil he just played harder. He poured all his excess energy into sports.
Papa had often taken Rachel and Fatima to his events and the two girls became influenced by his activities. They had wanted to be athletes too. Rachel had taken up swimming and had been on a swim team throughout high school. Fatima had loved running and martial arts. Most of her training had come from Ali. He had started teaching when he was 16.
He had insisted that she pursue at least one form and she had received a black belt in tae kwon do by the age of 18. Ali was not satisfied. He wanted her to be proficient in a variety of forms and he continued to train her. He allowed her three months rest after she had her babies, then it was back to work. He had already started training his daughters. It was very important to him that they had the confidence to stand up for themselves when necessary. He knew he wasn’t going to be there always to protect them and the thought seemed to disturb him sometimes.

Fatima walked to the French doors that faced the backyard. They were framed by matching window panes. She stepped into the bay and looked out at the two fountains and the birds that always danced in the water. She remembered the day her mother had told her that Ali wanted to marry her. He had told his parents of his intentions and they had spoken to her mother. Dana definitely thought Fatima was too young. Ali’s father had convinced Dana that they were good kids and that if Ali could prove that he was responsible then he would give his blessings. They would support the young couple and Papa believed they would be fine. “It’s better to be with one than many,” he had said.
It had not been hard for Fatima’s mom to accept Ali, she had loved him already. He was so different from the other boys. Because he was two years older than Rachel and Fatima she had always felt the girls were very safe when they were with him.
In the end when Dana had seen the path that Rachel had taken and what had happened to her and Jamie she realized that early marriage and family was not the worst that could happen to a girl. Rachel’s children had been born close to Fatima’s. Joshua was just three months younger than Masuma and Jonah had followed soon after.
Ali had prepared well for his marriage with Fatima. When he had the chance to play professionally it was an opportunity he couldn’t refuse. The freedom and income it would give him would enable him to do all the things he had dreamed of.
He had adjusted well to playing professional basketball and he and his father had bonded in the year that they had travelled together. Papa said he was truly proud of the way Ali had handled himself. His prayers were always on time. It was in his contract that he be given time to pray wherever he was. He never played on the days of Eid or on the 10th of Muharram. The other players had grown to love him too and respect his commitment to his values.
They often congregated in Ali’s room after games if they wanted to get away from the pressures of the road. They knew it was a place where they could find peace and be free to be themselves. They had enjoyed hanging out with Papa and Ali. Papa had said many of them had not had fathers themselves and had appreciated his presence and guidance. Nowadays many of the players, even the ones much older than Ali confided in him and sought advice from him.
Ali had saved most of his money and bought the house across the street so they could remain close to their families. Since Fatima’s mother was an archaeologist, and often travelling, her house remained empty most of the time. Being across the street enabled Ali and Fatima to watch over it.
Naturally Ali could have bought a much bigger and more luxurious house, but securing his future and the future of his family was far more important than enjoying the pleasures of today. He had a comfortable home, they had good cars and nice things, but he was always very careful about the way he spent his money. They had a property about one hour out of town. He and Fatima were looking forward to enjoying it as a getaway when the construction on their home was finished.
The only weakness he had was when it came to his wife. He made sure she had whatever she wanted. Fortunately for him she thought the same way that he did and was focussed on building their future. He always joked that if she had been a more demanding woman he would have been in the poor house.
The first year of their marriage had been pure fun. They had enjoyed travelling together. While most of Fatima’s friends were in university or working, she was travelling across North America with Ali. While her friends were trying to juggle jobs and school and explore new and sometimes dangerous freedoms, she was settled in her beautiful home with her doting husband.
The other players were initially disappointed to hear that Papa was no longer going to be a regular and they wondered how their night-time sessions would be affected now that Ali’s wife was going to be with him. Many of them were not used to being around a woman in hijab and did not know what to expect.
Fatima had immediately put them at ease and had encouraged them to continue to crash with them. Ali always had a room with a separate bedroom so she could have her privacy. The rule was that they could come over anytime. They should call first but if they couldn’t they were welcome to just knock on the door. Fatima saw firsthand the trials of the profession and she wanted them to have a safe place if they needed to get away from it all.
It was really something to see those big tough guys crash on Fatima’s hotel room floor and talk about their deepest feelings fears and wishes. Sure there was a lot of joking and rough housing too, bragging and game commentaries included, but there were many moments of open sharing. Especially when there was only one or two team mates present at a time.
Many of the wives had come to know Fatima as well. On occasion a wife had called her to inquire about her own husband’s conduct. Fatima never revealed anything. She had a standard answer prepared. She always told them that she understood the pressures of the road and she made it a rule not to mind anyone’s business but her own. The players loved her even more for that.
When she had Masuma and couldn’t travel as much they all vowed to keep Ali in line for her. They sometimes even called her to see if she was ok. It was funny the way they treated Ali. They were sometimes just as aware of his duties as he was himself. They reminded him to pray and they always let him know that they had their eye on him.
Because of the stories that Mama had heard about life on the road, she had formed a network with the mothers of some other ball players called Moms Away. It was a network of mothers in various cities. The players knew that if they needed a mom while they were on the road they had one. They could call and talk or get a home cooked meal, or just a safe place to stay. Naturally the Abati home was a favourite.

Now Fatima thought about Ali being upstairs and wondered what he was doing. He must have made the call already. She knew she had hurt him. The worst thing for a Muslim to be was a liar. The suggestion that he may not be telling the truth was like questioning his Deen-religion and that would have been unacceptable to him.
She went down stairs to check the girls. They had fallen asleep. “Oh, poor things.” Fatima’s heart was breaking. “They must have been traumatized,” she whispered. She pulled some blankets over them and climbed the stairs to talk to Ali. She found him in the study in front of the computer.
She walked behind him so she could see the screen. He was looking at a course calendar. He usually took University courses during the summer, either in night school or online. He was pursuing a degree in Leisure and Recreation. Fatima was surprised to see him looking at the calendar now because he had said he wasn’t going to take any courses this year. “I thought you weren’t going to study this summer,” she said.
“I reconsidered,” Ali answered without turning around.
“Ali.”
“Fatima,” he replied, while keeping his eyes on the screen.
“It’s never hard for me to be your wife. You’re the most important thing in my life. You are my life. I just get scared sometimes.”
Ali turned around and pulled another chair close to him. He motioned for her to sit. She sat in the chair and waited for his response.
“I can understand that.” He reached for a stool for her to rest her feet on, and continued, “What are you afraid of?”
“Just losing everything.”
“How would that happen?” He leaned forward waiting for her to speak.
“I don’t know. Maybe we’ll grow apart. Maybe one day this baller lifestyle will just transform you and we’ll end up like all the other players and their wives.”
Ali nodded and Fatima could see that he was thinking. He leaned back in his chair.
“What do you think I do when I’m away from home?” he asked.
Fatima shrugged her shoulders. “Play ball?”
“And?” Ali prompted.
Fatima shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“I think. I think about my life, my responsibilities and my girls; all of my girls. I think about you, our babies, my mom, Rahma. My father is not going to be here forever and then it will all be on me. I have to make sure that everyone has what they need, is safe and happy. That’s what I think about, how I’m going to do that, how I’m going to make that happen. Do you really believe I have time to mess with my life, my family, my future?”
“That’s not fair Ali. Don’t flip this on me.” Fatima resented the direction she felt him going in. Now he was making it seem like she was in the wrong. “How do you expect me to react under these circumstances?”
Ali rubbed his face as he watched his wife. “I’m going to be going on the road again in a few days. How can I feel comfortable to do that if you doubt me?”
“I don’t... I’m not... I didn’t... I’m not sure what to think right now.” Fatima was starting to feel drained.
Ali let out a short laugh and stood up. “Do you know how that makes me feel? All of this is for you. My work, the money, the sacrifice, everything is for you. If you’re at home and stressed out about me then it’s not worth it. I had no idea you felt this way. I thought we had an understanding. I thought everything was ok. Now I find out that an accusation from someone we don’t even know can tear it all apart? I must really be doing something wrong.”
“So what now?” Fatima asked.
“Well, I guess that’s on me. I left a message for Shawn to call me immediately and I’m going to move on this letter tomorrow, but it’s not just about the letter. It’s deeper than that. Next time it will be something else. How we handle the next challenge is going to depend on the foundation we have as a couple. That’s what I’m concerned about.”
“Ok. So what are you saying?” Fatima stroked the arms of her chair.
“I’m saying I got a wakeup call today. I realize I just can’t take anything for granted.” He walked around the room.
“I just thought your reaction was kind of strange. You seemed so calm.” Fatima said, following him with her eyes.
“Yes, I’m calm. You know why? Because it doesn’t matter. None of it matters. These issues, these challenges, they come and go. I can handle whatever comes at me. It only matters to me if it affects you. Otherwise I’ll just deal with whatever happens. That’s life.”
Fatima didn’t answer. Hearing him put things like that; she didn’t know what to say.
“Let me ask you this.” Ali sat in his chair again and pulled it forward. “Take this situation for example. What’s the worst thing that can happen? For you what would be the worst thing?”
Fatima thought about it before replying, “Well, if it was true I guess.”
“And so what? So what if it was true, what’s going to happen? Are you going to die? You think Allah can’t get you through it?” Ali asked her.
“What are you saying?” If he was trying to make her feel better, he was taking the wrong approach.
“I’m showing you how I keep things in perspective. If you realize that your worst fear is nothing then you can release the fear. Even if the worst happens, you’ll get through it. Allah wants what’s good for you. Not just good, actually, best. You have to trust Him, Fatima. You don’t need to work everything out for yourself. I don’t even try. I just put it in Allah’s hands and leave it there.”
She felt ashamed. She knew what he was saying was true, and compared to what he had been through in his life, this really was nothing. Why should he freak out?
Ali continued, “The situation is only as bad as you make it.”
“What would be the worst thing for you? In this situation,” Fatima asked him.
“The worst thing would be if it upsets you and if it hurts our marriage.”
“Would you die?” Fatima was teasing him now, but she was still eager to hear his answer.
He gave a half smile. “A part of me would die, yes. But I would take whatever I could learn from it and use it to improve. Part of self-building is being the master of your emotions.”
Fatima remained silent. Ali certainly was getting very good at mastering his emotions. She was having difficulty reading him right now. Was he trying to tell her that she didn’t have anything to worry about or was he saying that she might, but she should choose not to worry? She was not quite sure. She surely did not want to believe that she should worry but she still had that ominous feeling.
Fatima fixed her eyes on Ali. She needed to be able to see the slightest waver when she asked this question. “Do you know what I keep thinking about? That one time, I don’t know maybe it was more than one time, that you asked me to join you on the road and I didn’t go. I thought I couldn’t. I just wasn’t feeling well and I had exams. You just asked me out of the blue and I never asked you why.”
Ali held her gaze. “It was one time and I understood that. It was not a problem.”
“But I never asked you why.” Fatima couldn’t help wondering if she had made a mistake; made a mistake by not going with him, made a mistake by becoming comfortable with him travelling by himself. She remembered the first year that they travelled together. She knew exactly what the dangers were. I have three kids, how can I keep up with him? She sighed. Ali hadn’t wanted to start a family when she did. She had pushed for that.
Ali shook his head. “Why I wanted you to come? There is only one reason and it’s always the same. You’re my wife and I wanted you with me. That’s all. I just missed you. The same as always. There’s nothing else.” Ali held out his hands to emphasize his last statement.
Fatima sighed and stood up. She was well aware how much of ‘nothing’ happened on the road. “Ok Ali, I’m exhausted. I’m going to lie down.”
“What about the girls?” he asked as Fatima walked toward the door.
“They fell asleep in the basement; you can put them in bed if you want. I would just leave them though. I already covered them with a blanket.”
Fatima headed toward her bedroom. Looking over the railing, she caught site of the flowers in the foyer as she walked down the hall. She then turned back. “Ali, you know your mom has been really quiet these last few days.”
Ali turned away but Fatima could see him clench his jaw. “Well, it is April,” he said.
Fatima had forgotten. April was the anniversary of the start of the genocide in Rwanda. Every April Mama became very sombre. Her mood usually lasted for a few weeks. At that time she would pour all her energy into the garden. The summer would show the fruit of all her work. She had the most beautiful garden on the street. “Ali, I forgot, I am so sorry.” She started to walk back toward him, but he held up his hand.
“Don’t worry. Go rest,” he said.
Fatima turned and headed to her room. Before she closed the white double doors she looked towards the study. She could see that Ali had pulled away from the desk, his elbow on his knee. He was rubbing his forehead against the palm of his hand. Now the events of the day really did seem small indeed.