CHAPTER FOUR

Fatima returned just as her housekeeper, Patricia was leaving. “I’m all finished Fatima. I’ll see you next week.” It had taken years for Fatima to convince Patricia to call her by her first name, but in the case of Ali, the best she would do was to call him Mr. Ali.
“Oh, thank-you Patricia. Did you eat?” Fatima asked her as she entered the front door.
“Yes, and yes I took the container in the fridge. I’ll return it next Friday.”
“Alright. Have a good weekend, then.”
Fatima closed the door went to look for Rahma. The girls had just had lunch and were ready for their nap. Rahma read them a few stories and put them to bed. After Rahma left Fatima tried to study, but she was exhausted and fell asleep too.
When she woke up it was 5:15 pm and the house was quiet. The girls never slept this long. Fatima went to check on them and saw that they were not in their rooms. She realized that Ali must be home. She went to look downstairs and found him in the kitchen.
“As-salaam alaikum, where are the girls?” Fatima rubbed her face to help herself wake up. She usually used the blow dryer on her hair. Today she did not have time so her hair was still curly, but had been flattened by her hijab.
“Wa alaikum as-salaam, Papa came over. He wanted to visit with them. I told him you were sleeping so it would be better to keep them at his house.”
Papa never needed a reason to take the girls. He lived for them. He often came by to play with them or help take care of them in some way. He had built a huge playground for them in his backyard and they spent many days out there. He also taught them regularly too. All the girls had started reading Quran and the oldest had already memorized much of the 30th part of the Holy Book.
“Did they eat?” Fatima had prepared dinner before going to Naomi’s house.
Ali leaned against the black marble of the kitchen island. “Are you joking? You think I would feed them if they’re going over there? What would happen if they refused Mama’s food? She would probably think they’re sick.”
Fatima laughed. “You’re right. They’ll have more than enough to eat over there. Did they use the washroom?”
“Yes, yes, Fatima they’re fine. Relax. Here sit.” She looked behind Ali and could see that the letters were missing from the letter holder.
Fatima was eager to find out what was going on, but she was hoping that Ali would tell her voluntarily. She slid into the bench of the booth where they usually took their meals. “So what time did you get home?”
“About 45 minutes ago.” Still leaning against the island he watched her closely. Fatima knew that look. He had something to tell her and was trying to find the right way to do it.
“How was your day?” Fatima’s eyes scanned the kitchen in search of the mysterious letter.
“Good, nothing special. Coach worked us hard, though.”
“You look tired. Are you hungry?” Fatima started to get up to prepare his food.
“Actually I am, but I can wait. Come, I need to talk to you.”
Fatima’s curiosity was at its peak. She followed Ali to the family room at the back of the house and sat beside him as he indicated.
“I need to go out of town.” Fatima remained silent waiting for the rest. “I’ll be back by tomorrow afternoon.”
“What’s going on?” she asked as she tried to keep her voice steady.
“I need to go to Ottawa.” Ali’s face was blank. Fatima couldn’t read anything from it and she was trying hard.
“Why?”
“I just need to take care of something. Nothing to worry about. I’ll be home tomorrow.” Ali's gaze shifted from one of Fatima’s eyes to the other gaging her response.
“When are you leaving?” Why is he being so cagey?
“Tonight. I have a flight for 9:45 pm. I’ll leave right after the soccer game.”
“That’s cutting it kind of close isn’t it?” Fatima couldn’t understand why he was not more forthcoming. This wasn’t like him at all.
“It is, but I think it’ll be ok. I have a meeting in the morning. I’ll try to do it as early as possible then head back home. I’ll be home before dinnertime.” Ali rubbed his chin. “Maybe you should all stay with Papa tonight, or I can ask them to come over here.”
“No, I’ll be fine.” Fatima shook her head. Papa treated her like a top priority, especially when Ali was away. Anything she wanted he did for her. She didn’t want to put him out at all.
“At least Rahma should come, in case you need anything.” Ali was never comfortable leaving Fatima alone especially while she was so advanced in her pregnancy.
“If she wants to. Whatever. So are you going to tell me what this is all about? Or am I to die in suspense?” Fatima tried to make her voice seem light but she didn’t think she could be convincing.
Ali looked quickly around the room and let out a heavy sigh. It was clear he was not going to talk about it. “I can’t right now, but I will as soon as it’s all sorted out.”
Fatima was stunned. She hadn’t really expected him not to tell her. She couldn’t believe it. Ali was sitting in front of her telling her that he was about to fly to Ottawa, stay overnight, be back home tomorrow by dinnertime and he was refusing to tell her why.
“This doesn’t make any sense. Ali is everything ok with you?” She was starting to feel concerned.
“Yes, yes, I don’t want you to worry about anything.” Ali nodded his head.
“Don’t shut me out, Ali.” The hurt in her voice was obvious.
“I’ll handle it. I’ll be back before you know it.” He looked up and tried to smile.
The phone rang breaking the heavy silence that had fallen between them. Fatima walked across the room and down two steps to the lower level of the family room to pick up the phone on her desk.

“Hi Rachel what’s up. What happened?” Fatima remembered that Rachel was going to call her doctor.
“I’m at the hospital. I guess the procedure wasn’t done completely so I had to have an emergency D&C.”
“What! Oh no.” What else could go wrong today? Fatima wondered.
“I’m ok, but I’m exhausted and this nurse really ticked me off and now I’m being discharged and I’m really sorry Fatima, but could you pick me up? I’m really sorry.”
“No, of course I’ll come. I’ll be there right away.”
“Oh, and Joshua and Jonah are at the daycare. They need to be picked up before 6 pm.”
“Ali is getting them today. Remember Josh starts soccer tonight?” Fatima glanced up the stairs to see Ali watching her. She turned her back and continued listening to Rachel.
“Oh, I forgot. I don’t think I can make it tonight.” Rachel sounded on edge.
“Don’t worry. Ali can manage. Papa has the girls so he’ll just have your guys. It’ll be fine. I’m leaving now. Bye”
“What’s going on?” Ali stood up and approached Fatima.
“Oh, it’s nothing.” Fatima deliberately sounded more nonchalant than the situation called for.
“It sounds like something’s wrong.” Ali had reached the top of the steps.
“Don’t worry, I can handle it.” Fatima stepped past him and left the room. When she arrived at the storage bench beside the front doors she grabbed her hijab and her purse from one of the three rattan baskets underneath and slipped into her shoes. Ali stood at the end of the hall watching her. She turned and left without saying good bye. When she was finally outside she put her sun glasses on and grunted in frustration. She felt like screaming.
This was the first time Ali had ever kept anything from her. He certainly never stayed away from home unless he was playing ball. Even then he always preferred that she go with him. Beyond that he was acting so anxious. Fatima racked her brain trying to figure out what it could be. She couldn’t help wondering if it had something to do with the letter. But why the secrecy? She had a very uneasy feeling about the whole thing.

Rachel waited for Fatima to arrive and when she saw her car she tried to rush to it. Fatima came out of the car to help her.
“Take it easy, here let me help you. Where is your car?” Fatima looped her arm with Rachel’s and helped her to the door.
“It’s still at the mechanic’s. I should get it back tomorrow.” Two people about to enter the hospital stepped aside to let Rachel pass by and looked back as they did.
Fatima smiled at her friend. “Even on your worst day you still turn heads.”
“Ha, they’re probably wondering why I’m being let out.” Rachel eased herself into the car. Fatima stood beside the door after closing it for her.
“At least someone is humble around here.”
Rachel knit her brows and shifted her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Ali doesn’t even pretend not to notice the attention he gets.”
Rachel leaned back and closed her eyes. “He would have to be mentally impaired not to notice, but you know he doesn’t care.”
“I guess.” Fatima walked to her side of the car. After entering and getting buckled she turned her attention back to Rachel. “I can’t believe this. Is this the height of incompetence or what? How could they not have completed the procedure properly? Who was the doctor?”
“Dr. Simms, but I think it happens sometimes. I don’t know. I really don’t have the energy for this. Anyway, there was this nurse.”
“Oh yes, you mentioned the nurse. What happened?”
Rachel relayed the story. She had been sitting waiting for her examination and the nurse that had attended her was young, about Rachel’s age. Rachel thought she would like her until she opened her mouth. After looking at Rachel’s chart she turned to Rachel and asked, “Did you go to the University of Toronto?”
“Yes,” Rachel had replied while she tried to search the nurse’s face for some familiarity.
“And you have two boys right?”
“Yes.”
“Are you Jamie’s girlfriend?” the nurse had asked.

Rachel turned to Fatima. “Now do you think I really wanted to hear his name?”
“What did you say to her?”
“Oh please, I still haven’t answered her.”
“How does she know you? Who is she?” Fatima questioned.
“I don’t know. Did you hear me say I know her? She said she’s a friend of Jaime’s and she heard he had kids. My name sounded familiar and I fit the description. Whatever that means. She ticked me off that’s all I know.”
Rachel fumed at the thought that someone who knew her knew her business, especially a friend of Jaime’s. Maybe she was upset at not knowing what the relationship was between Jamie and this woman. The whole situation was so humiliating and again Rachel was angry with herself. What had she done wrong to deserve this? Why did Fatima end up with the perfect life? What was the difference between them? Even though she kept trying to put her life right it seemed like obstacles kept being thrown in the way.
“Why do you care? Who cares? Just worry about yourself and your kids and stop thinking about what everyone else is thinking because they’re living their lives and it has nothing to do with you.” Fatima was firm.
“The whole situation is just so embarrassing.” Suddenly another reality gripped Rachel. “What if she tells Jamie?”
“What? She can’t do that. What about confidentiality?”
“Oh, wake up Fatima, not everyone follows the rules. I mean, obviously she knows why I was there. What if she tells Jamie? He’ll kill me.”
“I am so sick of hearing about Jamie. Stop making decisions in your life based on him! Where is he now? Where is he when your kids are sick or lonely or hungry or dirty or whatever? Tonight Joshua is starting soccer for the first time. He is so excited, and where is his father? Nowhere, that’s where. Just forget that loser and move on Rachel. For God’s sake what is it going to take for you to get it?” Fatima was starting to get angry.

Fatima didn’t understand. Jaime wasn’t the same guy they had known in high school. He wasn’t just a small time hoodlum any more. He had graduated. He had connections. He really knew some serious people and he could do a lot of damage, to all of them.
“Move on to what? Huh? What? I don’t see any knight in shining armour riding around here. If there was, you grabbed him quick enough. Anyway I have two kids; that definitely reduces my value on the market.” Rachel felt emotion building and that made her angrier than ever.
“What are you talking about? You can have anything you want. You know that. You’ve made good things happen in your life, but you just stopped moving forward. Remember the scholarship?”
Rachel had been a Rhodes Scholar. She had received several scholarship offers. But the one she was really interested in was the swimming scholarship to a top University in the States. She had been so excited to go, but had changed her mind at the last minute, because Jaime had convinced her that their relationship would not survive the distance.”
“I didn’t want to leave Jaime.” Rachel shook her head. “That was stupid wasn’t it?”
“Jamie didn’t want you to leave him. You were ready to go. He was threatened by you moving forward when he wasn’t. What did we tell you then? If you two were meant to be together then you would be and if not you would meet someone better. You didn’t go and now look. You’ve stayed in the same place and where is he?”
Rachel remembered everything. Fatima and Ali had worked hard to convince her to go. She almost thought that they were trying to get rid of her. They had told her all the right things. She just hadn’t believed them.
“Rachel you have to start believing in yourself again. And you have to listen. Allah sends you messages through the people around you. You miss them if you don’t listen. You have so many people giving you good advice, people who really care about you. Get back on your life and start moving forward one step at a time.”

Fatima was right. Rachel knew it, but there had been so much going on at the time. Ali had recently signed with the Razors and he and Fatima were planning to get married.
Papa had insisted that they wait one year to get married. Papa wanted to see how Ali handled himself on the road. He always said, “Every daughter is my daughter and every son is my son.” He would not give his blessing for Ali to marry Fatima until Ali proved that he was responsible. Ali had agreed. He didn’t want to get married without the approval of both his parents.
Rachel had felt like she was losing everything. She had also been afraid to go far away from home and Jaime just felt safe and familiar. Anyway he didn’t become controlling until she was pregnant with Joshua. Or so she thought. Talking her out of the opportunity of a lifetime was certainly a controlling move. Two girls she had competed with had gone on to swim on the Olympic team. Rachel knew she could have been there too.
“You don’t understand. You’re married. It’s different for you.” Rachel turned to look out the window.
“You could have been married too. Ali knows so many people, good guys who would be great for you.”
“Who said I want to marry a Muslim?”
“It doesn’t have to be a Muslim. What about Shawn? He’s a great guy. He would be perfect for you. And what’s wrong with being a married to a Muslim?”
“I just don’t know if I can be that good little wifey, that’s all,” Rachel replied in an animated way.
“It’s all up to you, honey. Just be the good little baby-mother then.” Fatima shot back.
Rachel turned to look at Fatima in shock. She usually was straight forward, but this was harsh even for her. Maybe Rachel was wearing her out. Rachel was certainly exhausted too. They pulled up in front of Fatima’s house.
“Hey, did you forget about me?” Rachel joked.
“No, I want you to come over. You need to rest and Naomi might get suspicious.”
They entered the house and Rachel gingerly stepped on the tiled floor of the foyer. Most of the rest of the house had hardwood flooring. Rachel headed straight for the kitchen and slid into the booth. Fatima walked to the family room to turn on the adhan. “I have to pray, and then we can have dinner,” she said over her shoulder.
“Aren’t you going to wait for Ali?” Rachel asked.
“No.” Fatima said flatly and continued walking.
“Ok, I won’t ask.” Rachel stretched her legs and made herself comfortable. She really loved Fatima’s kitchen. It was large enough to have several people working comfortably in there at once. Ali and Papa had built a wonderful booth, just like the ones in restaurants. It was perfect for the kids, they could just slide in and out and it was great for the adults too. The seats and back were cushioned and exactly what Rachel needed right now. She stretched her legs out and put her feet up on the opposite bench.
From her seat she could see outside through the front window. She was looking directly at her house. Rachel wondered what her mother was doing right now. She knew her mother was worried about her. Fatima was right to have her come over. Naomi had a way of sensing things.
Rachel laughed and shook her head. She had told her mom she could probably go into business. With a sign outside ‘Naomi Knows’ she could make real money telling people all about themselves. That’s why Rachel had to keep her distance for a little while.
The adhan finished and Fatima started to pray. Rachel always felt so relaxed at the sound of the adhan. She had been hearing it for over 15 years and it was the same every time. She really enjoyed watching Fatima and her family pray as well. The movements had such beauty and grace. They all seemed so united when they prayed together.
Thinking about Fatima now she wondered how she kept her balance in her condition. She was just weeks away from having her baby, yet her prayer was still as smooth as ever. Fatima finished her prayer and returned to the kitchen.
Rachel wanted to lighten up the mood. She was expecting Fatima to hit her with a ton of questions and was willing to use any delay tactic necessary.
“How do you manage all that up and down with that huge belly in front of you?”
“I do yoga every day. I’m flexible, fit and strong.” Fatima flashed a smile.
“Ooh, I’m scared! I wouldn’t want to come around here late at night.” Rachel joked.
Fatima heated the food she had prepared earlier and placed it on the table then brought up the subject of Jamie.
“So, are you ready to talk?” she asked Rachel.
Rachel knew that she wasn’t going to get away with not saying anything this time. The time had come to come clean about the whole story. She knew Fatima was not going to let her off the hook again.
“What do you want to know?” Rachel picked up her fork and jabbed a piece of stewed chicken. Fatima usually made this dish on a Friday for her housekeeper. It was one of Patricia’s favourites and Fatima like her to have it when she worked once a week.
“Well, what happened? Why did you decide not to have the baby? Why didn’t you tell us? It just doesn’t sound like you,” Fatima asked.
Rachel sighed. She really wanted to put this all behind her. She certainly didn’t want to discuss this with Fatima. But she felt like she owed her some explanation after Fatima had done so much to help her. Should she tell her about the night that Jamie had come a few weeks ago? She looked out the window. Night was falling and she wondered about her boys. They would be on their way home soon. She was so sorry she had missed Joshua’s big day.
“I was going to have it, I guess. I just really wasn’t thinking about it.”
Fatima remained silent waiting for Rachel to complete her story. “Then Jamie came by unexpectedly and I tried to tell him and he started going off. He was acting like he didn’t believe it was his kid or something. I don’t really get it. I guess it’s because he doesn’t come around that often. Then he said he heard Ali was spending a lot of time with the boys and he said maybe they weren’t his either. It was all so weird.”
“That’s it? You had an abortion because Jamie was freaking out? Who cares? You see him two or three times a year.”
“You don’t understand. How was I going to have another child for such a loser? Josh and Jonah already suffer so much because of him. I couldn’t do that to another baby. I just couldn’t”
“No, this doesn’t make sense. It’s not adding up. There has to be more to it.” Fatima was not accepting this line of argument at all.
“I know it’s my own fault, but you don’t know what it’s like carrying and having a baby for someone that is such a big stress in your life. You have no idea what that feels like.”
Fatima thought about how impossible it would be for her to get through her pregnancies without Ali's love and support. She also knew how vulnerable she felt when she was pregnant, even though she was secure in her marriage. “I understand that. I just feel so sad about it. No matter what, Joshua and Jonah are such beautiful boys and a blessing to all of us. I just think that with all the support you have you could have made it work.”
“For some things there is no substitution,” Rachel said as she played with her fork.
Fatima knew that was definitely true.
“I just wanted to cut ties with him completely. I figured this was as good a time as any. I actually thought I might move,” Rachel added.
Rachel did not want to tell Fatima how scared she really was of Jamie. It was better if she just moved away and got as far away from Jamie as possible. Everyone would be better off, she thought.
“Move where? Why? What about the boys?” Fatima showed her confusion and concern in her eyes.
“I haven’t figured all that out yet. I just think it might be best. I need to put distance between me and Jamie. Maybe if he doesn’t know where to find me for a while that will change things. I’ll take the boys with me, or not. I don’t really know yet.”
“Running is not going to solve your problems. It is not the location that’s all wrong. It’s just you Rachel. You have to fix you. You might think it will be easier if you go, but it will be much better to do it right here, with all of us here to support you. You can’t just get up and go to I-don’t-know-where; and leave the boys? No. You definitely can’t take them away from everyone and start all over. Who will help you take care of them?”
“I’m a big girl now. I can do it.” Rachel knew she did not have a plan, just a desperate need to start her life over, get away from Jamie and make sure that her friends and family did not get caught in the middle. She had a decent job working with the Bell Canada, but she could find another job. Maybe she could get transferred to another office.
“Fatima, Jamie is not small time any more. He knows some serious people. And they are not all street people either. They’re professionals, business people, and politicians. He can make a lot of trouble.”
“Rachel, he’s nothing. He can’t do anything. Stop giving him all this power. Where are you Rachel? This is not you. Has he threatened you? We can call the police. You know you should have done that a long time ago. Maybe you can get a restraining order. I can’t believe the nerve of him. Threatening the mother of his kids? Not that he cares about them anyway.
“I don’t even know why he shows his face around here. He’s just trying to mess with your head. He’s slowly taking more and more control because you’re letting him. Only you can stop this Rachel. Maybe I should go and talk to him. Why, I’ll just go to the police myself. Or maybe I’ll call Shawn, he’s a lawyer. He’ll know what to do.” Fatima went on and on. She was like a faucet that had been left running. She didn’t even notice Rachel’s growing agitation.
“Stop!” Rachel put her hands to her face, tensed her body then let out all the breath in her lungs as she fully relaxed then said. “Fatima, it’s not me he wants to hurt.” She paused not knowing how to tell her best friend the truth. “It’s Ali.”

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